(Getty Images)There are so many questions that need to be answered in this whole Petraeus scandal. There's the hard news question: "Why didn't we know about this sooner? And the tabloid question: "Were the Whistleblower and the Biographer both in love with Petraeus?" And the human interest question: "Why do women love in men in power?" And the rhetorical question: "Wait, that guy is a womanizer?"
And then there's the question that nobody, save for one blogger, would ever think to ask: "Did General Petraeus stray because of his wife's hair?"
A writer called "Blonde Bombshell," who is smartly remaining anonymous, posted a "thinkpiece" about the scandal today. It required multiple readings to verify it wasn't satire, and still I'm still not 100 percent.
You have to go deep into the internet mines to find Blonde Bombshell's words of wisdom. I had entered in a search engine "Petraeus" and "Hair"--two terms I will never put together again--when I found on this story on page three of the search results. Blonde Bombshell's op-ed appears on a blog belonging to a guy named William Briggs, a self-titled "Statistician to the Stars." The blog's' readership, based on the comments, is decent and includes at least once person who's really paranoid about the KBG. The site itself appears to mix opinion, with news stories, and the occasional guest blogger. That's where Blonde Bombshell comes in, an anonymous "guest-blogger" (sure) with hot-tempered opinions on hair, and its marriage-ruining properties.
"My heartfelt condolences extend to Mrs. Patraeus, who seems to be, judging from the pictures obtained by the press, a cheery, good-natured woman."
Snap. That's like calling a woman "handsome." You see where she's going here and it isn't nice.
"The paramour of General Petraeus wears a low chignon which indicates that her hair has some length. The wife has a chin-length cut that is ubiquitous among professional women. When she was younger, she had beautiful long straight locks typical of the time."
Never mind you that Blonde Bomshell writes like Buffallo Bill in Silence of the Lambs, she's also spent her Monday morning hunting down old pictures of Holly Petraeus with long hair. Somebody's hobby is sound-proofing dungeons. (Ahem, electric neon finger points to Blonde Bombshell.)
While BB admits that it's "crass and unfair" to suggest that General Petraeus was driven to long-haired mistresses because of his wife's bob, that is exactly what she's suggesting. In case you don't get that, she posts a picture of Paula Broadwell with the caption "Paula Broadwell with long hair."
Listen up people, she's only going to break it down once:
"A young woman may cut and grow her hair experimentally, but she is often 'growing it out for the wedding' so she has more 'styling options' for the big day. After the wedding, and sometimes before the honeymoon, many women submit to the barber shears. After baby is born, many more go in for 'mom hair' (yes, it's a term, like 'mom jeans') that is wash-and-go. If a woman wears her hair incorrectly out of cycle, she will start hear people asking about when is she going to donate it to one of the organizations that collect hair to make wigs for cancer patients."
What is happening.
"A few weeks ago I saw a woman on the street dressed in business clothes with thinning hair, but she kept it long. She was able to devise a flattering hairstyle that didn't make her look like a plucked mole...My advice to women is to go ahead and grow your hair if you'd like. Maintaining long hair is not difficult or expensive."
So to backpedal, with regards to that question in the headline, I think B.B. is saying, "Yes, Petraeus cheated on his wife because of her hair."
On the bottom of Blonde Bombshell's guest post is an editor's note that reads: "The well-married Bombshell has lovely long hair." Someone seems hell-bent on sticking it to Holly Petraeus, which is unnecessary, unkind, and most of all, really, really weird.
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