What His Body Language is Saying
By Catherine Townsend
Research shows that 70 to 90 percent of our communication is nonverbal. Find out what your date is really telling you.
What's His Comfort Level?
Comfort: According to former FBI agent and body language expert Joe Navarro, we have to first ask ourselves a very basic question: Is his overall body language comfortable (leaning toward you, torso and feet pointed in your direction with a comfortable amount of eye contact) or uncomfortable (facing away from you, hands hidden, either staring at you or constantly breaking eye contact)?
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What His Posture Says
Context: Fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, and sweating profusely would normally be bad body language-but on a first date, nervousness can make perfect sense. Leaning back with his arms crossed in front of him could mean that your date isn't into you-unless you are sitting at a chilly outdoor café and he's cold. Before you can interpret the gesture, you have to figure out the context.
Is His Smile Real?
Clusters: Most behavior hot spots happen in clusters. Avoiding a question about his ex may not be significant, but if he suddenly touches his knee, looks away, and grabs his neck all at the same time after you ask him if he's separated, watch out!
Smile: Does his smile reach his eyes? A faux-happy smile ends at the lips, while a genuine one will make the corners of his eyes crinkle into crow's feet, which, according to experts, is one of the hardest things to fake.
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The Nose Knows
Nose: Flared nostrils indicate increased heart rate, which could mean he's angry, sexually aroused-or both!
Torso: As anyone who has ever tried to crash a cocktail party circle can tell you, people naturally lean in the direction of their interest. If he's twisted away, he may be talking to you but he's focused on something else.
Follow His Feet
Feet: People say that the eyes are the window into the soul, but behavior experts swear that you can gauge a man's interest much better based on his feet. A body points toward where it wants to be going-so if his feet face you, he's all yours. But if they are angled toward the door, he's mentally on his way out.
Hands Down (Or Up)
Hands: Palms up on the table is a sign of relaxed, open interest-but hidden under the table are a sign of discomfort. Either he's hiding something, or very nervous.
On the Chin
Chin: People often stroke their chin during the decision-making process, so he's probably pondering something.
Cuddle Up
Arms: We naturally reach toward things we like, so an arm around you or a hand touching you are very good signs, while arms clasped behind the back signal, "Don't come any closer."
He's Got Legs...
Legs: If his legs are splayed out, he's confident and trying to claim his territory. If they are crossed, notice which leg is on top: a leading leg pointing toward you means he's trying to get closer, but legs crossed the other way are a subconscious play for space.
The Eyes Have It
Eye Direction: Looking toward the ears indicates that someone is remembering a sound, while looking up and to the left means someone is remembering something. Narrowing eyes is a sign of anger.
Eye Contact: We constantly hear that liars avert their eyes, but actually the opposite is true. Because they know that eye contact is important, liars will often stare you down to overcompensate. Normal people blink about six to ten times per minute-and faster-than-average blinking is a telltale sign of deception.
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Can He Sit Still?
Listen: Ask a direct question, and watch what happens. Someone who is trying to mislead you will sometimes try to take you on a guilt trip ("I'm a good guy. Why would I do that?"), answer a question with a question ("Why do you ask?"), or offer way too many details. Always see if body language matches the words he is saying!
Fidgeting: Rubbing the neck, or touching the eyes, earlobes, nose, or lower face are all soothing gestures, which probably mean that your date is uncomfortable.
Mirror Images
Overall Impression: Since you're using detective techniques in dating, you should always be aware of any biases you have that could compromise the case. For example, are you unconsciously drawn to men with the same build as your dad, or do you instantly hate a guy with the same haircut your ex had? Or does someone seem "too perfect?" Remember if it seems too good to be true, it probably is!
Your Body Language: What are you projecting? Keep your body language open and relaxed-simply mirroring them by leaning forward at the same time or picking up your glass at the same time will make your date subconsciously feel that you are in sync. There is a reason why con artists, car salesmen, and serious flirts have perfected this technique-it works!
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