Would you go on a breakup date?
By Rosie Munger for BounceBack.com
You hear the music loud and clear and the signs are very obvious: your relationship is not going to work out. It's too bad because you have a great time together and generally get along quite well. Unfortunately, that is not always enough for a romantic relationship to survive. Whether you and your date have different relationship goals or friendship is a better path, you may be loath to end the courtship because you'll miss the companionship.
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Well, why not have one more "date" after the breakup? What rule says you can't? Read these five guidelines to know whether a breakup date is right for you.
1. You must break up before the date.
Both parties need to know what's going on. We're not talking about a regular date that you go on and then break up with the person at the end! During your breakup conversation, you will know whether it's appropriate to suggest hanging out one more time.
2. The breakup must be truly mutual.
Sometimes we just know it's not working for either person due to a difference in desires or outlook. You will know when you are having the candid breakup talk whether your date is really OK with it. If both people seem a bit relieved during the conversation, it's usually a sign that each is comfortable with the decision. Listen for laughter and jokes, which are very strong signals that you guys are happy with each other and there are no "hard" feelings. Words like "I'll miss hanging out with you" can be a good indication that a breakup date could be in the cards.
3. Make plans to go out immediately!
You'll lose momentum if you make plans for a week out. It is ideal to go out the same night of the breakup because you will feel more like the relationship ended on a positive note with friendly feelings. Putting it off will likely lead to it being canceled because the idea will sound stranger and your feelings may change as time passes. Have the fun now so you don't miss the opportunity.
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4. Keep it light.
No romantic restaurants! Do something fun and go somewhere casual and lively so conversation will remain upbeat. It's important to be able to chat about lighthearted topics because that will aid in transitioning out of the dating relationship and into friendship or just closure. Ironically, it may even be more fun than your previous dates because the pressure is off. You no longer need to impress each other or behave in a certain way to gain approval.
5. Stick to your boundaries.
It's truly ok to decide to be physical one last time, just do a good check-in with yourself to know how you'll feel afterwards. If you want to enjoy it and know you won't guilt yourself about it, then go for it. If not, stick to friends-only behaviors. If you can arrange the date to have intimate time before going out, do it! By ending the evening with fun conversation and food instead of romantic activities, closure will come more easily.
Remember, this is supposed to be FUN and only will be if you both are ready for the relationship to end yet you still hold each other in high regard. If this is case, enjoy one last date together!
Rosie Munger is a newly minted advocate of the breakup date - it truly can be done!
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life, BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
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