Ahhh life. What strange twists and turns and drops off the edges of cliffs into the bottom of the "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" deep well of confusion.
I received a text recently from a man I dated for a moment over a year ago. I was surprised to hear from him and at the same time a bit flattered that he had saved my number. I do not save numbers of former "almost" men I saw simply because I fear I will hit their number in my contacts by accident and have to explain why I called. And besides, what is the point anyway?
So anywho, we have a polite little chat. He asks if I am seeing anyone and I text, "Not at the moment." He says he is seeing someone. I can't quite figure that out so I assume he is merely being "friend-like". Low and behold, today, he texts again and I finally just out right ask why he is texting me if he is seeing someone. His answer is as follows:
"I'm going to be honest here. We are looking to have a threesome and I liked you before and I think you are really beautiful."
Here is where I want to say, "What the blankety blank blank is going on?" but I can't swear here-oh wait, I actually can but it bothers my mom when I swear too much so I won't. Yet, I still felt the need to be polite and say no thank you, not ever in a million years, I only want all the moments of my life to be meaningful. He text back, "Why not just have sex with us until you find the one you are looking for…"
What is that? How am I continuing to attract this kind of behavior into my life? What is going on? Am I some sort of magnet of the oddest sort? I am not knocking anyone's lifestyle choice. I am just wondering if I am sending some unconscious message to the universe that this is what I want for my life and I want men to crawl out of the woodwork to offer me their body parts or the use of their lady friends.
I responded one last time. Why? I don't know why other than I am forever some sort of lady in my own mind. "No thank you, really. I want it all now. I want love, respect, continuity along with the mind blowing sex-I need something deeper to achieve that." I responded no further.
Someone told me I needed to make a list of what I wanted in my "perfect for me man". I am doing this and right here to try and counter act this bad mojo that is drawing everything I do not want to me and upsetting me.
The man who is perfect for me...
He will actually like me most of the time.
He will listen to me and tell me when I have talked too long.
We will be able to talk with each other instead of at each other.
He will find the oddness about me charming.
He will be kind.
He will respect me as much as I will surely respect him.
He will be strong in spirit and mind (and body would be an added bonus).
He will make me a priority.
He will have loving hands (they cannot be these weird little baby hands that make me cringe).
He will still have dreams.
He will look at me as if I am someone special.
He will not think of me as an afterthought.
He will not be a racist or hate people just because they are different.
he will love my children even when they are awful just because they are mine.
He will not disappear when I need him, not fix my life but just be there with me to share in it as I go through the things I do just as I will do for him.
He will be nice to his mother even when she is annoying and to mine too when she is annoying.
He will think I am the perfect one for him.
I wonder if that is too much to ask for. I am putting it out there in the universe and now I shall wait and see.
Monika M. Basile