Can you ever really trust again?

I'm the husband now and we've only been married a little over three months.

A few weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night and heard her on the phone talking about how she 'messed' around with someone whom she claims is a best friend now. I confronted her that night and for the next few days things were strained. She had told me while we were involved they had kissed, but 'messed' around? Never.

However, after much talk I did believe she was exaggerating and that nothing really did happen. Funny thing is I believed her.

But that night, the alarm bells went off in my head. Something... some things... just no longer added up.

After a couple of weeks, I could no longer ignore the voice in my head. I HAD TO KNOW.

I got into her accounts, and behold.. I found evidence of at least three different occurrences happening over the course of three years. (Years 4-6 of our total relationship. And I had proposed in year 5.) We are talking about plans to meet, sexual innuendo, explicit text messages, etc.

Now, I have confronted her last night. She denied at first. But I showed her the print outs I had of all the emails/text. And that was when the jig was up.

Thing is... I do love her.

So can I trust her again? I don't know. And what's worse... I don't know if I can ever have a real answer to that. I'm not a perfect man. Nor a perfect spouse. I have talked with other women at times. In the second year of our dating/relationship I even did make out with another woman, and things progressed from there. But we did not have sex, of ANY KIND. Touching and groping yes, but that was it.

And after that night, I realized I was WRONG for doing that. My, then, g/f deserved better than that, and I decided from that moment she was it for me. And since the she was.

Again I am not perfect, I did still talk with women, sometimes in fantasy, but they were women whom I knew I would NEVER MEET halfway across the country. This does NOT justify my actions. BUT I NEVER KISSED OR SLEPT with another person but my, now, wife during the time I was with her.

I told her all this as well. That doesn't make me 'more' right than her. It makes me fallible. I've made mistakes too. But I can't but help feel, that my mistakes, and hers, are in two completely different orbits.

I don't know what to feel now. All I know is that I have a rage/pain/hurt inside me now. One that I don't know when will subside.

To answer the question: Can you ever trust again?

Maybe. But I don't think it'll ever be the same. Happy almost 4 months into marriage.

Is love enough on its own without trust?...

Never!
Cheating is “breaking the agreed-upon rules of your relationship,” right?

I wish I could say that: of course, it's possible to truly rebuild/ recreate trust once you have been profoundly lied to.
That, so far, is NOT my experience!
Neither my husband nor I were naive or inexperienced when we married in our very late 20s. I thought that the promises we both happily made to each other to be honest, loving, faithful, trusting ("for better or for worse") meant exactly that. We could and would retain our individuality -- we're both quite independent -- and we were completely committed to our marriage.
So it was quite a shock when I discovered that the man I had so implicitly trusted for decades had been having an "emotional affair" with a work colleague for four or five YEARS (yes, years!) and that he had repeatedly looked me in the eyes and boldfaced lied about it.
I accidentally stumbled upon damning evidence (some very flirtatious e-mails, for a start) about 19 months ago. We have been trying to rebuild our marriage since.
Couples counseling has helped considerably, especially with his accepting total responsibility for his behavior, deception and disrespect. I learned about my part in our "break down" and how to communicate more effectively (as well as listen!).
The anger and pain are diminishing -- thank God! I keep reminding myself that nobody's perfect (certainly not me!), everyone deserves a second chance, All those familiar saws.
HOWEVER...something has been broken and it will never be the same again. In therapy I likened it to Humpty Dumpty (that nursery rhyme...OK, I have a weird imagination!): even though I have carefully retrieved and refitted every piece of the egg, super glued it all back together, and, striving for perfection, in such a way that the cracks are barely if at all perceptible to the "naked eye"...even then...I know that it's not the same as it was before it shattered! I live with that knowledge.
That's where I'm at now. We continue to work toward recreating a marriage and I continue to live with doubt. Since he lied to me then how do I really, REALLY know he's telling me the truth now?
I have e-mail passwords (however opening another "secret" to me account is really easy to do), I see his cell phone (texts can be erased, especially now that he knows I'm looking for them) and he can always call from work, a pay phone, whatever. He says there has been no contact of any kind. He says.
I didn't used to be like this. And that's where I find I need the greatest forgiveness. I need to forgive myself for ignoring a "feeling", for not acting sooner (even without hard evidence), for all those things I can so clearly see in hindsight that I was so blind to when I was living them!
So, no I don't find you off base. I'm right there next to you!
I wish I wasn't because I think this doubt is eventually going to mean the end of this marriage, much of which has been exciting, surprising (in the best possible ways) and wonderful (including a brilliant daughter).
I am still basically a person who trusts. I just don't trust my husband (who IS trying so hard to make this work --now...) as far as our most intimate of relationships is concerned.

No, you can't trust again! Once a liar, always a liar. Once you've been hurt, there's no turning back. It's best to just move on to a different relationship, IMHO.

If he is truly repentant don't give up. With God, it can be better. As you see here women are chasing our men.... the pressure and temptations many.He could have left with her right?You both can help heal each others scars. I hope the women messing with other womens men HEAR YOUR PAIN and do what is right and get the hell out of where they have no right being. Remember what goes around comes around.You will find your self in zzzzz seat. And it is the worst pain and hell that you could imagine. God bless you girl hang in there. everyone deserves a second chance.One time they can claim insainity and evil @#$$% lead them astray, if he does it again, pack his bags.

yea i can never trust agine but what you lady went thow i think i can i least try cause well i just feel in love when i was 13 well at least i thought it was love but it wan'snt it was not i did bit listine to my mother cause the boy said he would never hurt me and he loved me and all that grap he put in my head and yall know what happends next i was heart broken for mouths i hated every body i cried every night i wanted to die i hated my self i did stuff that got me in big trouble i wrote poems about how much i hate myself how much i reather be died how i was my folt he broke up with me but then i called on the name of the lord and ask him to forgive me and he did and i finley let him who heart me go it still hurts some times cause i still cant trust know boy when they say they love me i'll just say dont lie to me and well now im 14 and yea all that happend last year but in ok now im storge cause my mother want let me be weak i love the lord and hes my only help and i still am worken on forgiven the boy cause i still hate him but down deep deep down in side my heart there still love for him but not that much