Is Casual Sex Really That Casual?
By Samantha Laratta for BounceBack.com
Whether he's the guy you make out with during your lunch break in a public cafe or the girl you make a connection with while on vacation in Sin City, Casual is the one state of mind that never graduates to anything more substantial or respectable. Claiming Casual is not unlike joining a political party. You may play on all sides and share beds with a member of the Commitment party, but when it'...
Whether he's the guy you make out with during your lunch break in a public cafe or the girl you make a connection with while on vacation in Sin City, Casual is the one state of mind that never graduates to anything more substantial or respectable. Claiming Casual is not unlike joining a political party. You may play on all sides and share beds with a member of the Commitment party, but when it's time to vote, you always vote Casual. And like all politicians, the Casual Rep will maneuver his way through every legal loophole until his agenda has been fulfilled or his needs otherwise met. It's a tricky business to go Casual. Only some can thrive and not everyone survives.
Related: Signs You Are Taking Your Dates Too Seriously
Men and women are equally capable of going Casual, and both are likely to do it more often than they admit. Women may go Casual as a celebration of their independence or to have that one juicy story to reminisce over in years to come. Men do it as a form of accomplishment or because she's really hot. Boredom, distraction, loneliness, and good ole' horniness factor in for everyone when it comes to such sudden sex. And the results can vary just as much. My first Casual encounter ended up being (and still is) the hottest sex of my life. But I also know a girl who knows a girl who got the dreaded "I'm HIV-positive" phone call from her Casual. The physical risks beat out the emotional risks by far, but the latter still exist and do damage that can last just as long.
Related: Should Ladies Really Think Like Men?
When you enter Casual-dome, you are all equals and everyone is on the same sexually-charged page. At roughly twelve seconds after both parties climax, the scale begins to tip. It might be the girl wondering where her panties flung off to or the guy wondering when they can do that again. Either way, one person connected and the other.. well, didn't. In order for Casual to remain truly that and as pain free as possible for everyone, its expiration date (about seventeen minutes after the girl finds her panties) should always be observed. Out of respect for each other, the Casuals can congratulate one another on a job well done and laugh about any unexpected mishaps, but then all communication should focus on their closing statements. No breakfast run, no fresh-made coffee, no what-are-you-doing-next-weekend, no cuddling and NO SLEEPOVERS. Think of these as political strategies used to lobby their way to another selfish triumph.
Related: Is Sex Really Required?
Sleeping over, cuddling, and sharing a meal together are all foundations for a relationship. No matter how many times someone drops the Casual line, five minutes of normal conversation or just 30 seconds of cuddling will knock down all regulatory walls fabricated to survive the encounter in the first place. Basically, the longer you remain fully-clothed and in contact, the more likely someone is to develop *gulp* feelings. With every adorable picture of your bare belly you text or every silly random middle-of-the-day email he sends, those walls come tumbling down. But no matter how many texts or emails or cuddle-filled sleepovers, Casual remains just that and nothing more.
It is the unfortunate Casualty of Casual sex that suffers from such penetrable walls and naive imagination and seldom realizes what has happened until the damage is done. Moments of clarity might surface among the haze of excitement and thrills, but the lobbyist will always manage to distract her just long enough to realign his agenda. This could go on for a month or a year, and regardless of geographic distance or varying levels of attention, the Casualty never suspects a thing. Eventually this game gets old or he runs out of campaign funds or misplaces his dancing shoes, and the Casualty is simply let go. Sometimes with warning, sometimes without, but always eventually... always. The Casualty is left to lick her own wounds. Or to find someone else who does it better.
BounceBack.com helps people find happiness in the right relationship. If you've been through a breakup, divorce, or just haven't been able to find happiness in your love life,BounceBack is a place to tell your story, get community support and advice from experts, and find the confidence and strength you need to move forward. Check out our Facebook page.
More articles on BounceBack.com:
5 Reasons to NOT Give Up on Dating
What To Do (And Not To Do) on the First Date
Love, Internet Style
I Love You...I Hate Your Friends
5 Dates for a Rainy Day