Our intern Kristine deGuzman, a junior at UC Berkeley, and her boyfriend agreed to road test a sex toy sample. He definitely got the better end of the deal.
I'll admit, when I first checked my mailbox and saw that little brown envelope, I couldn't contain my excitement. I carefully ripped it open and pulled out my new sex toy: The Blowguard. It's basically a silicon mouth guard with a little chamber where you can stick a miniature, vibrating bullet. Time to blow my boyfriend's, er, mind...
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The first thing I noticed about the Blowguard, other than its smooth, fleshy texture, was the fact that this "one size fits all" toy looked like it was going to be too big for my mouth. Sure enough, it fit awkwardly on my upper teeth and wouldn't stay put without some effort. And it took up so much room, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to fit anything else in there (read: my boyfriend's penis).
Also, the small hole where you're supposed to stick the bullet was much smaller than the ultra-miniature bullet that comes with the Blowguard. But with patience and some force, I finally got the little sucker to fit. Definitely not a toy you can use on the fly without some preparation.
Once my boyfriend got out of class, I welcomed him into my apartment and immediately took off his pants. I had him close his eyes before inserting the Blowguard, partially because I wanted it to be a surprise, but mostly because I didn't want him to laugh at how ridiculous I looked (like some weird cross between a porn star and a hockey player).
I went at it for a short while, before I turned on the bullet. Eventually, though, he just got tired of it and said, "Eh, could you just use your mouth?" Apparently he didn't like that his penis was sharing my mouth with another foreign object. His biggest complaint was that it diminished the wet feeling of more traditional fellatio. Minus two points for the Blowguard.
So what does make the perfect bl*wjob? Our guy friends have the answers.
The next day as I was perusing the Blowguard's website, I ended up stumbling on the information that you're supposed to wear it on your lower teeth. It didn't specify that anywhere on the packaging or paper inserts! So I called up my boyfriend and told him he had to subject himself to yet another bj in the name of science. Poor thing.
This time I put it on properly and added the small sample of cherry-flavored lube that came with the Blowguard to combat the dryness. He liked it a little better. But again he eventually just got tired of it and asked me to use my mouth instead. So, either I give really amazing bl*wjobs (I like this option) or the Blowguard is just a waste of time and money.
My main complaints: it didn't fit in my mouth well, it was definitely more of a joke than a turn-on, and it was more distracting than pleasurable for my boyfriend. Apparently the Blowguard is popular with the senior crowd (namely, those concerned with keeping their dentures in), and maybe it should stay that way.
The Blowguard is available for $27.95 at Blowguard.com or, if you're in the U.K., via Onjoy.com.
Related: 101 ways to have the best sex of your life!
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