by QuickieChick Laurel House.
Real or Faking It?
Your styles clash- He's a jack hammer and clearly believes that faster = better. You prefer slow and deep. (Maybe you need to get back to basics... READ: How to Kiss)
You are almost raw, desert dry, and totally over it.
You're thinking "can you just hurry up and finish?!"
…It's simply not going to happen.
A. Fake It and give the guy a break
B. Feign suddenly "remembering" that you're supposed to call your mom, meet with your professor, finish a paper that was due yesterday.
C. Fess Up, in a nice way, that it's not going to happen tonight. Maybe even make up an excuse like "I'm just super tired," or "I just have so much on my mind."
Want to actually SEE It? QuickieChick, In Bed, Tells It Like It Is… On Faking It
READ: How to Fake a Perfect Body
If you selected B- Feigning- at least you haven't mislead him into thinking that that final jack hammering to the point of making your teeth chatter was a winning move that he should now forever repeat to complete the deed with you, but still, you have also prolonged your potential pleasure. It's not exactly hurting your cause, but it's also not helping. I mean really, who wants to have ho-hum sex again?
If you selected C- Fess Up- nicely done. Just because a certain technique worked on someone else, doesn't mean that it will work on you. We are each built slightly differently, we have different experiences and different preferences. Styles don't always mesh up at first. But that doesn't mean that they won't. Fess up during or after your sex session and if he A. is listening and B. actually cares, he will make adjustments to his style, and you too should pay attention to and accommodate his preferences (just because he's a guy doesn't necessarily mean it's always easy for him to get off). Remember: sex isn't just about the orgasm. Sometimes you might not be able to get there, and that's ok. It doesn't mean that it wasn't an amazingly intimate experience. That seems to be the disconnect- women often fake it because we don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. But it shouldn't be about bruising his ego or hurting his feelings. The goal shouldn't necessarily be to orgasm. Instead it's to have that deep connection, have fun, be vulnerable, and feel good (climax or not). If you fess up and COMMUNICATE, you are likely to have better, more orgasmic sex next time.
WHEN IT'S OK TO FAKE IT
While I personally prefer to never fake it (after all, if he's a touch insecure that he couldn't get you there, it could keep him a tad on his toes and trying even harder next time… never a bad thing, SOMEtimes it's permissible. Here's when:
-It's A Rare Occurrence
If he generally can get you there, it's just that this one time he seems to not be feeling it for some reason- be it that he's too drunk, too tried, or too preoccupied with work.
-You're Not In The Mood
If he generally can get you there, it's just that this one time you are not feeling it for some reason- be it that you have too much on your mind, you ate a huge meal and you feel the food sloshing in your stomach, or you are just too tired- seriously.
-You're Just Not That Into Him
If you realize that you don't much like the guy and you know that it's likely not going to happen again anyway (so why exactly he's currently between your legs is a totally different issue).
If you have to fake it- fine. But half the fun of sex will never come…
Laurel House is a Fit Living Expert, 3x published author, and believer in living a life of balance. See more of her "Quickie Tips" on her website QuickieChick.com. Her 4th book- "QuickieChick's Cheat Sheet to Life, Love, Food, Fitness, Fashion and Finance on a Less than Fabulous Budget" (St. Martin's, May 2012) is available NOW for PRE-ORDER.