Confessions of a soon-to-be bride

Getty ImagesI'm getting married in ten days and, as is appropriate, I am a bundle of intense emotion--ranging from anticipation and excitement to nervousness and nostalgia. Some of this I expected. I mean, as much as I've never bought into the idea that this is the "most important day of your life," there's still an unavoidable level of anxiety that surrounds a wedding (a lot of which surrounds the dress): Will my dress fit? Will people like my dress? Will I spill something on my dress in the first five minutes and have to go home/wear a napkin all night? Will the food be gross? Also, I don't know about you, but it's not every day that my boyfriend and I hang out with his parents, my parents, our siblings and all of our closest friends in the same room. It's stressful for sure.

But there's something else going on. And it's deeper, more subtle and something I have never heard a soon-to-be-bride talk about: I feel a little sad. Now, let me be clear, this has nothing to do with my boyfriend. He's awesome. I'm marrying someone who I love, who's honestly--and not in a cheesy way--my best friend, who I find interesting and challenging and (most days) a complete joy to be around. I'm excited for our life together.

However, I still have a feeling that's something ending. Whether we're conscious of it or not, I think most of us rewrite our story over and over within our romantic relationships. Depending on the guy, in a new relationship you might travel to different places, get more involved in a hobby, or explore something sexually, intellectually or culinarily that you'd never thought to try before. And that's not because you're passive or unoriginal. It's because intimacy requires that you share your individual lives and experiences. Both people bring their likes and dislikes into the mix and in the process both people get to learn new things. It's lovely.

By making this ultimate commitment, I'm saying goodbye to that newness, to that kind of exploring the world with a fresh set of eyes. I'm choosing a final romantic adventure in my life's Choose Your Own Adventure book. And, even though I would never trade in what I've got to go out and play the field, I know there's a part of me that will miss my adventures.

Am I a bad bride for thinking this? Because the way our society is set up, even this faint sense of pre-wedding melancholy makes me feel like an alien. As women, we don't discuss this stuff. It's almost expected that we will be PSYCHED about lifelong monogamy. Every bride's magazine in the world tells us exactly how to create a perfect wedding celebration. They have articles about veils, centerpieces, cake toppers, handmade favors and napkin folds, but they never delve into the meaning behind nor the emotions involved in this massive rite of passage.

I guess we're all too busy worrying about the dress.