A couple of weeks ago I ruined an almost-date. I was standing in line waiting to go into an event when a guy, standing behind me, struck up a conversation. We chatted for quite awhile and eventually got around to his divorce. I don't recall the details but I do recall his look of horror when I said something about wanting separate bedrooms if I ever got married. He thought that was a terrible idea. I was pretty sure he was going to ask he out before I said that, but he didn't. I'm not sure if my separate bedrooms idea is the reason he didn't ask me out, but I have learned that talking about the appeal of separate bedrooms can elicit some pretty strong reactions. Maybe I should have waited.
Anyway, that scenario reminded me of a few years ago, when a guy I was dating brought up the subject of marriage. I kind of had a panic attack which I blamed on feeling like I was catching the flu. Once I calmed down (and was safely home), I called my friend, Benilde. As we talked, I tried to envision what it might be like to be married to him and I remember saying to her, "at the very least, we would have to have separate bedrooms" (and I'm thinking to myself "maybe even on separate floors".) I would really need to have my own space. Lots of it.
Benilde was very much against that, telling me that sharing a bed was one of the most intimate parts of marriage…not in a sexual way, but in a pillow talk kind of way. She said "Some of a couple's most important conversations happen in bed. You can't sleep in separate rooms". So I thought "Eff it, then". That was the only way this was going to happen. I wasn't giving it serious consideration anyway, but that little chat shut it all the way down. Read more: