It doesn't matter how hard we try, sometimes it seems inevitable that drama will occur, whether it's originated from our feelings or our exes' feelings towards us. Just when you think you finally have control over your emotions, and can look past all the immature efforts your ex makes to try to get to you, all it takes is the wrong phrase or behavior to put you back at square one. Then boom, the drama begins.
It may seem obvious, but many don't realize that your ex, especially if it's a long term one, has been the closest to you at some point in your life. The one you shared you dreams, fears, insecurities, and all things personal with. Although you two didn't work out, that person still know what ticks you off, what makes you smile, what makes you sad, and often times, when things aren't going exactly their way, they will use that against you. Most use things like that against their former flame in order to maintain some sense of emotional control. They will say the things that draw you into an argument, so they can feel as if the feelings of lost control are transferred over to you. Let's be honest, no one likes to see their ex losing feelings or moving on from them, when they still have feelings themselves.
So he's saying alot of things to you that hurt, telling you how someone may be better than you, how you don't make him happy, how you get on his nerves, etc. Your reaction? Immediate defense, of course. We as women seem to automatically engage in that conversation, because whether they matter or not as much as they used to, we feel the need to defend our character. We refuse to believe that they really feel this way, or don't understand why they would feel that way about us. This causes us to in a sense begin to convince our ex that we weren't so bad, and sometimes this turns into a huge battle that could lead to way deeper topics.
Another problem other than defending ourselves tends to be our pride. Women like to be able to let our ex know that they're missing out, and that it's their loss, not ours. It seems, in our minds, like this is the perfect time to let them know how we feel, and that they won't do any better than us. This method does not work. If you are such a great woman, it doesn't have to be thrown out in arguments, and trust me, the ex already knows how great of a woman you are if that's the case, whether he will admit or not. There is no need to degrade any new women or boast that he will never find another woman like you. Although it may not seem like it, you are still feeding into his plot to get you arguing, which demonstrates his control.
It's time to start choosing your battles wisely. When an ex begins to pick with you, and say things that are hurtful, or even throw things in your face about his new love interests, be the bigger person, and learn to walk away. Some may not be strong enough to face their ex and say "I'm happy for you", and some just may not sincerely feel that way yet. Walking away from drama serves great purpose. It will make you feel good, because you didn't entertain nonsense, and also it will give your ex a message: " I know what you're trying to do, I'm over it, and I'm over you". Silence speaks a thousand words, and this will allow you to keep control of your emotions, sanity, and allow you to have peace of mind. Don't worry, you can always go home and curse and scream in the privacy of your own home. Stop stepping into the ring with drama. Focus less on negative things and the drama your ex is trying to bring into your life. It'll be completely worth it in the end. Next time your ex says something hurtful, laugh it off, and let him know you don't get into the ring with lightweights.
To view more of Karlicia Lewis' articles, check out her column as the Single Woman Examiner at http://www.examiner.com/single-women-in-jacksonville/karlicia-lewis .