Dating Insanity: Break the Cycle of Bad Behavior

Tired of getting your heart broken? Try doing the opposite."Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

Dating is a form of insanity if you think about it. You keep going out, only with different people, and expect different results, namely, a relationship could form.

Now, I know some of you are lucky enough to just meet the "person of your dreams," and don't need to sacrifice your time, energy and needless frustration by meeting all the wrong people before that. But for the rest of us, believe me-- I'm going nuts expecting something to magically morph into a good match.

Take it from John Smith

I take comfort in reading comments from others who are going through similar experiences as me (turns out, I'm not so crazy after all). Recently, I was reading some from our resident hotshot John Smith who seems to know a lot about women, dating, and making men crazy about you. How did I get back to talking about crazy again? Must be something in the air tonight.

He mentioned what can make a man putty in a woman's grasp, and I was intrigued. You see, as much as I feel like a goddess, the feeling falls flat after my suitors take off after the "deed" is done. Now, I know I'm not perfect, and none of us are (even the hot 28-year-old male model who played me was sort of a butter-face). But shoot, I write relationship and dating advice for a living. I've written several eBooks and countless blogs and articles to help women find the man of their dreams, and live out healthy relationships.

Yet here I am-- fabulously single. I'm not lonely, just lonesome. I don't need a man to complete me, but I do miss companionship.

Stop doing what you've been doing. Simple, no?

What have I been doing wrong? Let me look at the Insanity Quote. I thought I was dating all kinds of different men, but now I see that isn't what it means. The insane pattern was "putting up" with guys who were aloof, not very interested, too young (and too hot, like Mr. Model), not looking for a deep emotional connection, and *drum roll for the big reveal*.... I PUT OUT TOO QUICKLY.

If you can't let go of your inhibitions you won't enjoy the ride.

There I said it.

Okay, so I'm also 40, and raging with too much testosterone. I'm more lusty than a teenage guy with a Victoria's Secret catalog and a vacuum cleaner. What is a single woman to do? Well, not what I've been doing so far. Apparently.

John Smith suggests a woman make a man fall for her by being aloof. Controlled. Manipulative. Not at all like me, unfortunately. My trademark is wearing my heart on my sleeve, I'm honest to a fault, I blog about my personal life (in case you didn't notice), and I don't hold back anything in the heat of the moment. My bad.

So I had a breakthrough moment of clarity when I didn't respond to a guy on Skype who's been chatting with me (for months, and still hasn't manned-up to set a date to meet me). I just realized there's no future with this guy (obviously, he's not serious enough... oh, and he's also too young), and I felt like I'm tired of wasting my time with these types. I think that's a good sign I'm changing. I don't need that kind of attention. Maybe there is hope for me to find what I'm looking for.

It starts with saying what you want right away, and not worrying about what a guy will think of you if you tell him the truth. If he sees things differently, then at least he'll disappear quicker than pulling the bandaid off slowly. Next: I'll try to be the temptress who can blow off men. Even the hot, yummy good looking ones. That will take more strength and courage than becoming a single mom in a horrible economy. Yeah, I've done that, and I'm not afraid of life's challenges.

Lust. That I'm afraid of.