By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK
DEAR WHYS GUY:
Why does my husband seem to never want sex? I know he isn't having a physical affair. Could he be having an emotional one? -Redbook reader
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DEAR REDBOOK READER:
This is easily the most common question I get, so you are far from alone. I can't know why your husband doesn't want sex, but there are a million potential reasons. Maybe he's one of those guys without a huge sex drive. I have a friend like that. He married a lovely young woman who feels the exact same way, and they're very happy together. Maybe something at work is stressing him out and killing his sexual appetite. Maybe he's feeling insecure about your relationship or his own attractiveness. Maybe he has erectile dysfunction issues, or another health problem. And yes, it's possible that he's having an emotional affair.
I can't diagnose the problem, but I can say this: Before you tackle the physical issues in your relationship, it sounds like you need to tackle the verbal ones. Instead of asking me what's wrong, ask your husband. More than likely, it will be an uncomfortable and even painful conversation, and you may need to enlist a doctor or counselor. Whatever you do will be worth it, though. Because if you can't have sex with your husband, and you can't have the hard conversations with your husband, what do you actually have with your husband?
Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.
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