By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK
DEAR WHYS GUY: Why does an older man trying to date a younger girl constantly bring up the age difference? Is it because he's uncomfortable, or because he's nervous?
DEAR REDBOOK READER:
You forgot insecure. Totally insecure. I don't even bother fantasizing about bedding some 22-year-old co-ed anymore because even in my imagination the prospect is too terrifying. I can't stop myself from hearing the conversation that would take place:
Her: "Our relationship reminds me of the first season of The Hills."
Me: "What hills? Where?"
Her: "IM me later, and we'll go back to my place and listen to the Arcade Fire."
Me: "Of course you are you, now and forever, that's one of the reasons I like you so much. I didn't realize you live so close to an arcade, but, regardless, I don't think I could sit idly by and listen to all those injured teenagers. Your generation is so jaded towards the suffering of others."
Her: "Then we can go out at 1am and rave."
Me: "I go to sleep at 9pm."
I'm assuming young people still rave. I don't know because I'm old and go to bed at 9pm. Anyway, a lot of guys (including me) have a tendency to point out their Achilles Heel just to see if, or when, someone is going to try to break it. He knows its going to be his age that eventually does in the relationship, so he blindly keeps bringing it up because he's just trying to guage how long he has before you come to your senses and leave him in the parking lot of the Assisted Living Facility while you ride off in the passenger seat of a Smart Car owned by a double major in Arts Administration and Cognitive Studies who also happens to be a summer intern for the Arcade Fire.
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And as he's standing in the parking lot of that old folks home hugging his Foreigner LP and sporting his bitching Ray Bans, he'll wonder, "Whatever happened to Roadies?"
Oh, also by bringing it up all the time he's trying to make it seem like he's cool with his Achilles Heal. He's not, he's old.
Need help decoding odd male behavior? Redbook columnist Aaron Traister, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife and two kids, is our resident male who is happy to answer any questions you might have about the mind of a man. Either leave your questions in the comments or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org Whys Guy in the subject. Letters, emails, and comments may be edited for clarity and length.
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