A real guy shares: what men really think of shy ladies.
- Hunt Ethridge, BettyConfidential.com
Did your New Year's Eve involve a Snuggie? Would you rather read a book than go to a party? Do you find yourself observing more often than interacting? If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you may be a shy girl.
In a world peppered with Gagas, Snookies and Chelseas, sometimes it can feel like brash, extroverted women are all that are out there. They get most of the press, they seem to do okay with the menfolk and they seem to be boogieing through life. However there are just as many, if not more women who wouldn't want to trade places with them if their lives depended on it. And if it's hard for outgoing aggressive girls to meet someone, it can be downright herculean for shy girls.
But rest assured all you lovely laconic lasses! Shy girls have tons of qualities that guys find super attractive! So don't go changing yourself in a misguided attempt to become what you think men want. You've already got the goods!
Charlie tells me, "I've dated both but I guess if you play the numbers I've dated more shy girls than aggressive. I think they are less likely to cheat." While this may or may not be true, I can see where he's coming from. Having a shy girlfriend who enjoys quiet evenings at home makes many men feel comforted.
A woman that has tons of acquaintances and friends can be very intimidating to a lot of men. He may feel that in order to love you he has to love them also. Plus it takes so long to try to get to know all of them. Ladies with an intimate couple of friends doesn't seem too daunting. Plus they can actually be easier to get to know because you don't have to sift through the different layers and versions of them that they show to the outside world.
Guys like a challenge. For many, bashful beauties present a unique kind of puzzle. Sometimes they may be harder to get but it just makes it that much more sweet when you finally open up to us. And as one of my friends said, "Shy girls are great because they save their secrets for you." Plus a man loves to play the role of protector and having a demure damsel at his side affords him that opportunity. He can feel like he's holding the world at bay and is providing a buffer against the slings and arrows of the outside.
David offers this little gem, "Aggressive girls can be fun but they are more likely to get either themselves or you into trouble. Many times they can overshare things about you and your relationship that would embarrass a lot of guys. A girl that is quiet or shy seems more mysterious and makes you want to find out what is hiding inside of her."
Other great things I hear about you reserved ladies is that they tend to be more loving and caring. They will be all about their man and it makes them feel like the king of the world. And one that keeps popping up is that they are much more fun in the *ahem* boudoir. Now I'm not saying that there's a rabid tigress inside each woman ready to be uncaged by a man with the right key but it kept being repeated and repeated so I was loath to not include it. Maybe you ladies can help me out. Do you shy ones come unbridled in bed?
If you are one of the shy ones and you are single and looking to meet a swell fella it may seem daunting to you. One of the main reasons that men might not approach you is that sometimes we confuse "shy" with "cold." There are a few things that you can do to help your percentages of finding a mate. Many times people cross their arms when they aren't comfortable. This can read as "don't come near me" to people who may be admiring you. To combat this, try to hold something in your hand. If at a bar, hold your drink. It will unconsciously open your posture and body language. If you find it hard to go up to people and start conversations use your wing(wo)men. Let them start a conversation and bring you into it. If you are at a party, ask the host what they need help with. It'll keep you busy instead of standing of holding up the wall. Offer drinks or food as it gives you an excuse to interact with people. And if you start talking to someone you think is cute, be honest. If he misreads your shyness for disinterest he may think you are not that into him. Say something simple like, "I'm sorry, I'm shy, please keep talking." It'll make him swoon and let him know that it'll be worth it for him to stick around!
If you ever need a little boost, think of these self described shy women and know that you are in great company. Sally Field, said to describe herself as having a crippling shyness into her early adulthood, Sigourney Weaver, Nicole Kidman, Michelle Pfeiffer and Katherine Graham (look her up.)
So all you quiet types out there, don't you worry! Them guys think shy is fly!
Hunt Ethridge is a dating columnist and a fashion writer. Currently he is the senior coach for New York Dating Coach. Also follow him on Twitter, @nydatingcoach.To read more from BettyConfidential: