A real matchmaker shares: what do men really want in a woman?
-Richard Easton, BettyConfidential.com
What do men really want in women? It's a question that's beguiled doers and thinkers alike for centuries.
In this hyper-paced world of bars, clubs and online dating, PrettyYoungProfessional went to Richard Easton, the male matchmaker with the inside scoop, to find out what men really want. Smart, successful women: read on.
Why do we feel that men are not attracted to successful women?"I hear this question all the time," says Easton. "It simply isn't true. Men love successful women, just not the high testosterone levels that sometimes accompany their success." From his perspective, it's not success that men are afraid of; it's how a woman acts that can turn off a potential suitor.
At work, women are often pushed to behave more like men to succeed: be aggressive, be direct, even confrontational at times. Men want to see that a powerful woman can turn off her "work" mode and embrace her femininity when she leaves the office.
Easton believes that this isn't misaligned with what women themselves want: "Women want to be feminine and treated like a lady. Men want to see childhood faith and openness to falling in love together."
That childhood faith or innocence in love is an important one: "A man can spot bitterness immediately," says Easton. "He can also tell if someone is emotionally unavailable, so unless you are truly ready for a new romance, don't waste his time. You wouldn't want him wasting yours, either."'
How do you suggest women then transition from work to a date? "Don't treat dating like finding a job," says Easton. "When you go on a date, let go of your work day, change your mindset, and refresh your look. Changing clothes between work and a date can help you get out of the "work" mentality. If you have time, go home, take a shower, and start over. I always suggest the same for men."
"During the date, be engaged-men can sense when a woman is distracted. Dating and getting to know someone should be fun and exciting, not something else to cross off your to do list," says Easton.
Once you arrive, Easton suggests you consciously make an effort to leave the perfect man checklist at home: "Don't walk into a date with an agenda, don't have a checklist, and don't interview your date."A man can tell if you are consciously or even subconsciously checking off your "perfect man" criteria. "Look at a first date in the most fun way possible and let the conversation go wherever it takes you. The perfect first date leaves many unanswered questions for next time. Get to know the person. The guy you might have written off in the first few minutes just might turn out to be the love of your life. Give the guy a decent chance."
Looks or chemistry? What matters most?
Whether we like it or not, our society is obsessed with outward appearance. Easton doesn't deny that looks are important, but his experience suggests that physical attractiveness is just as important to women as it is to men-and that's ok.
But Easton is also adamant that, in order to build a long term relationship, you need chemistry, which may not develop within the first five minutes of your first date. "Chemistry and visual attraction are not the same thing. True chemistry is built from a combination of sexual compatibility, sense of humor, and other intangibles, which makes it ever more important to give your date a chance. What if the guy is slow to warm up but ends up funny as a comedian?"
So what makes a man commit? According to Easton, "a man does not ask a woman to marry him because he wants to spend the rest of his life with her; he asks her to marry him because he does not want to spend the rest of his life without her. If you are that woman, the one he cannot live without, he'll find his way to the altar. I've seen it a thousand times."
So there you have it: the male matchmaker's perspective on romance for professional women. Now go have some fun with it!
Richard Easton is a matchmaking expert.
Read more articles on BettyConfidential.com