Let me "set the table" - I was out with three of "my boys" last night - just a couple of beers and some dinner. Two of them are married and the other two (myself included) are single. Now the other single guy and I are both divorced (neither of us have kids, and I've been divorced for about six years), so we have some experience in relationships and dating after divorce.
The other single guy brings up the fact that he's just broken it off with a lady he was seeing - and he was pretty bummed about it. I've met her and she seemed very cool, smart and attractive. They'd been dating for almost a year and had discussions about making it more permanent, but what killed it was sex….or lack thereof. He stated that sex was fantastic and frequent in the "honeymoon" stage, but after about six months it took a marked downward turn. There were always reasons NOT to have sex - too tired….too stressed….hormones…..and finally she stated that "sex just wasn't as important to her than it was for him" rather than finding time or opportunities to HAVE sex. It wasn't as if the sex wasn't good - it was just always on her terms.
This really hit home for me….I felt like I was listening to a recap of my own dating experience. My buddy, like me, was looking for one person to be with - both of us are way past the "sexual conquest" stage of our lives and are looking for that special someone. This was so similar to my experience - ex-wife and two ladies since. All followed that same exact pattern. I've gotten so attuned to this pattern that I'll end it with someone if I even THINK it's going down that path. The two married guys parroted the thought that sex just naturally declines over time….what used to be a couple of times a day transforms into once a week - if they were lucky.
I'll be frank - this got me a little bummed thinking that this is just "the way it is". Sex is critical to any relationship and I don't buy the argument that it's ok to have it "tail off" after you settle in.
So here's my question - Is my experience, and my buddy's, an anomaly or do ladies view sex as a "means to an end" to get into a relationship?