I used to date older men exclusively. I was 27 ½ , newly single and ready to meet the one. I dated more than a few. Twelve years was my max. I remember admiring the confidence of older men and the fact that they had homes, jobs and cars; their lives seemed together. Good thing they sought me out.
Now from this vantage, on the other side of 35, men of a certain vintage who specifically seek out younger women to date, seem a little - well - icky. Think about it? He's pushing 40 and he refuses to date women over 25? Why? I mean it's one thing if there is a genuine connection. Judgments aside, I strongly believe that what two people experience between them is unique and if love happens, fantastic. But it seems to me in some cases, as the male ego grows larger, the women get younger.
Women are ageists too. The man has got to be older but not too much older - 5 years is perfect. A friend of mine refuses to date anyone under 30 and that's pushing it. She's 33. That's because she believes that men under 30 aren't ready to get married.
Even after I told her that a good friend's mom was 9 years older than his dad and they had been married for 30 + years. Even after I told her that another friend, and a friend of that friend, had each married younger men and were living what appeared to be happily ever after. She wasn't buying it.
But is age really a relevant relationship qualification?
I suppose there is the argument that if a guy is older, he'll have already sown his wild oats. Yup. But perhaps he's now used to sowing them? Or if he's older, you're most likely to respect his opinions and the choices he makes. As one guy I recently went on a date with said, "there can only be one leader in a marriage." I was a little confused, I thought marriages were partnerships?
I don't believe that age guarantees maturity. Financially? Occasionally. Emotionally? Unh ah.
Yes he may have 5-7 more years of life experience but it's his, not yours? Those years may have given him time to figure out his life but what does that have to do with you? His experience and confidence doesn't transfer to you by osmosis just because you marry him.
Are you more comfortable putting yourself into "someone else's hands"? Is it that you don't really want to have to take responsibility for your own opinions because his - by virtue of his maturity - will mean more than your own? What if his life experience involved 5-7 extra years of making the same bad decisions over and over again?
Now he'll be making those kinds of decision for both of you. Not to mention the fact that it's a huge burden for him to have to carry, your emotional happiness and his.
Ironically, now I'm a magnet for younger men. I know call me a Cougar. So, admittedly, when it comes to choosing relationships, I've been thinking a lot about age. These days I'm thinking that age doesn't really matter and I'm enjoying the fact that nobody is trying to shape me into who they'd like me to be. Quite frankly, at this age, I'm too much myself to let them.
What do you think? Does age matter?