Whether you are scared of hurting his feelings, or you just need to get out of a relationship that is going nowhere, …
It has been a strange feeling to be on the other end of it.
The dumper instead of the dumpee. It isn't a good feeling in the least. Usually it's me-the one who thinks everything is going well and then gets awarded a nasty surprise.
I don't like it-either position. I don't like being hurt anymore than hurting someone. I don't like that feeling in my heart or the light bulb that goes off in my brain signaling something isn't there or something is simply over. It is a sadness in me to know that I am throwing in the towel and walking away because it just isn't working.
To do it gently, kindly, gracefully? I struggle with it and the words I use are picked and chosen with utmost care. I hate the thought of making it worse than it has to be. But I hate the thought more of simply fading away-which is my instinctual feeling, which is what I want to do. It would be easier to ignore it all. Easier for me.
I thought about too, what I would like to hear, what I would prefer--yet it somehow doesn't quite apply. Because I am me and they are them so how do I know what the right way to do it is?
I decided to be honest--not brutally so, but as fairly honest as I could be.
You are a wonderful man. I just do not have the feelings for you that I should.
It is the truth. However, it wasn't enough of it since he proceeded to then bombard me with touches of rudeness and idiocy that caused me to cringe. I finally understood why men are prone to do the "fade away" thing . It is easier. It is neater and cleaner and leaves less guilt. There is no real backlash. You just delete the person out of your life and never think twice. It doesn't mean it is right to do it though.
It is quite difficult to tell someone you know they are not the "one" or at least one of the "ones"(I do believe there is more than one person for each of us that we can have a decent and satisfying life with) Yet, I am just as sure that if one person isn't feeling it then there is nothing else to do but end it as soon as they know it deep in their heart. There is only so long we can wait for something to grow. Sometimes it just doesn't. At those times, it is better to let it go.
It is best to leave the other person with their dignity no matter how uncomfortable it may make us to do so. When we offer the human courtesy of good-bye rather than a disappearing act, at least we are giving enough respect instead of saying, "You weren't worth a second thought".
Monika M. Basile