Gena Kaufman, Glamour magazine
We've debated the pros and cons of meeting guys at bars, but honestly, is there anything more disappointing then when you get all dolled up, spot some cute guys at the bar, and not a one of them talks to you? I have a solution for that.
I spent the past weekend visiting with friends in New York, and in addition to getting some quality girl time with my best friends and losing my voice from a late night karaoke session, I stumbled upon an ingenius tip for going out those nights when you're on a mission to meet guys.
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My friends Kelsey and Laura call it "Together, Alone" and it's a dating challenge they used to do when they were both single. Here's the gist of it: Two girls go out together, but they separate and go to two different bars (preferably on the same block or at least within walking distance). Each girl sits at the bar and orders a drink, and then just waits for the guys to come to her. Which they will. It's a lot easier for a guy to approach a girl on her own than to deal with a huge group of girls. Each explains to her new suitors that she's just waiting for her pal to meet her, but she's running late from work. Then the two girls decide over text which bar has the better prospects and meet back up.
We tested it out last night, under less than ideal circumstances: a quiet Monday night, limited time before we had to meet friends for dinner, and an inability to find two bars on the same block. Still, it worked like a charm. I managed to spend half an hour flirting with a very cute bartender in an otherwise completely empty bar (kiiiind of awkward but it worked out), and Kelsey was chatting up a sweet hipster at her bar down the street.
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A few key tips to play the game successfully:
Pick a low-key place on a low-key night. I'd recommend Wednesday or Thursday nights around happy hour time. Weekends might be a little too crowded, and you need to make sure there's space to sit at the bar. But not too low-key. An empty bar limits your options.
Keep it casual. If you're going to be sitting in a bar by yourself--which can be a little awkward but you can handle it--I think it's best not to seem overdressed.
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Don't spill the beans. Kelsey declared me the loser of the game because I confessed our strategy while flirting (Ack, I got nervous!). Therefore, I had to go meet her at her bar. Bye cute bartender.
Get a little brave. If no one has approached you yet, feel free to strike up a conversation yourself. It will seem breezy coming from a girl who's just looking to chat while she waits for her friend to show up."
Set a time limit. You can only sit at a bar alone for so long. If one of both of you are stuck sitting alone for 20 minutes or so, agree to switch bars or just meet up at one for a regular girls' night. This is just for fun; it's not like there's anything wrong with NOT meeting guys either.
I've only tested it out this once, but Kelsey swears it works every time. And even if doesn't, I would still love the idea. It's the perfect combination of being comfortable on a date by yourself, and having a wing woman there to help you out. Have fun, ladies!
Would you ever try this with a girlfriend? Do you find you get approached more often when you're alone? What's your secret to meeting guys?
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