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    How to Fight Fair in Your Relationship

    Words you should never say during an argument and other conflict advice for couples.When navigating the rough and rugged waters of a relationship, one of the trickiest places to steer your metaphorical love canoe through is a conflict.

    Yes, arguments happen and no, they aren't always pretty. And, thanks to the differences in the way our brains are wired, men and women handle them differently. Luckily our friends at Tokii polled their users to give us some helpful tips on working through conflict in a relationship. Now, steering that canoe through tumultuous waters may become a bit easier, so long as you follow these bits of advice (and check out the infographic below).

    1. Hit it head on. No passive-aggressive Facebook and Twitter updates here, people. Rather, the majority of men and women want to deal with conflict directly-62 percent and 64 percent, respectively. In a world where many turn to social media to complain instead of confronting issues in person, this is incredibly refreshing to hear.

    2. But don't say these words.
    Speaking of refreshing to hear, there are some phrases that definitely shouldn't be let loose when working through a conflict with a partner. For 67 percent of men, that phrase is, "You don't understand"; for 60 percent of women, it's "You need to calm down." Does this mean, "We need to talk" is fair game? Related: 5 Tips To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

    3. Establish rules.
    Aside from knowing which phrases will trigger a strong reaction, it's also advised to go into an argument with an established set of ground rules-63 percent of men and 47 percent of women agree. Of course, when to set these ground rules is still up in the air (but mid-fight is likely not an ideal time).

    4. Avoid sensitive topics.
    The trickiest of them all? Money. Forty-nine percent of women and 44 percent of men say income is the subject that brings about the most conflict within their relationships.

    5. Work together towards resolution.
    Often the toughest part of dealing with conflict in a relationship is ending it. Men feel they are more willing than women to compromise during a disagreement; however, twice as many women are willing to admit they're wrong.

    Wondering how your conflict behavior compares to other couples? Tokii can tell you-join now (it's free) and you'll be entered to win $1,000!

    How do you work through an argument with your partner? Tell us below!

    Written by Kait Smith for YourTango.com.


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    63 comments

    • Ed  •  2 months ago
      Ladies avoid the nut shot.

      Gentlemen don't refer to "her Cycle".
      • Tiffany 2 months ago
        you sir have made the wisest comment here. :D
      • SJT 2 months ago
        @ Zed --- Post of the Day!
      • dan 2 months ago
        Zed for President.
    • Maya  •  2 months ago
      "Avoid sensitive topics...like money."

      Are you KIDDING me? According to this genius article, I'm not supposed to talk to my spouse about our household finances?
      • JR 2 months ago
        I think it's more like insulting someone for having a low paying job... in this economy that's all that's really around... so "No soup for you!"
      • Dre 2 months ago
        Not when it doesn't have anything to do with the topic you're fighting about.
    • Pike Fear Me  •  2 months ago
      If you must avoid "sensitive topics," are you with the right person?
      • Ed 2 months ago
        I agree.

        If you can't talk about money, sex, religion, raising the kids, sports, food, exercise, household chores, personal hygiene, clothing and bodily odors... are you even married?
      • LindaK 2 months ago
        Agreed. Talking (even loudly at times) about all the important things is the building block to a good relationship.
    • Sophia  •  2 months ago
      Just keep calm. You can't rationalize with someone who is acting like an idiot and definitely can't argue with "stupid". Sometimes, the only thing people need is to know you UNDERSTAND their point of view.
    • omerlm  •  2 months ago
      Don't attack the other person. There's a 99% chance that you're guilty of a wrong-doing in the conflict as well. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango...
      • Gabriel Stone* 2 months ago
        Yes, it takes two to tango, but usually, there is only one person stomping on the other person's feet.
    • JerryB  •  Santa Clara, California  •  2 months ago
      My recommendation, leave the word "you" out of the conversation.
      • SJT 2 months ago
        JerryB -- I agree. The argument is over the behavior, not the person. Once it's made personal, all bets are off.
    • Poof  •  2 months ago
      I love my dog! She's is truly my best friend till death.
    • paradox_62  •  2 months ago
      After all these years, I still can't believe how many couples fight over money (#4). When we got married we HAD no money to fight over, so we never got into the habit. Now we have plenty of money and never fight about it...we both agree where it needs to go, what's important, and what's crap we don't need. I do think the author should distinguish between arguing and fighting...they are two completely different things.
    • Ed  •  2 months ago
      Is this really sound advice? I think not.

      If you avoid "sensitive topics" as suggested by #4, you may find yourself deep in debt, unemployed, married to a cheating spouse seeking to improve his/her economic position at your expense.

      You most certainly need to discuss money and have an agreed upon understanding of your financial position through out your marriage.

      If you have a spouse who believes money is the source of his/her happiness then I suggest you start divorce proceeding immediately.
    • Michael  •  2 months ago
      Wow, reading these comments there sure seem to be a ton of REALLY happy people here....NOT!! This just confirms for me that relationships are a total waste of time and energy. I've been living by myself for over twenty years now and I plan on continuing until I die. But hey, have a lot of fun having all those fights and arguments people!
    • Cassandra  •  St Paul, Minnesota  •  2 months ago
      The words I hate and he likes to say to set me off: "Get over it."

      Turns me into the Hulk.
    • Loud  •  2 months ago
      That tag line said words to avoid. Another misleading link on Yahoo.
    • king22  •  Charlotte, North Carolina  •  2 months ago
      wife and i have been fighting 50 years so i dont any tricks just scream a lot but i love and she loves me lol
    • Ashli  •  2 months ago
      what do you do when the guy doesn't want to hear any suggestions besides his own but always assumes he's right?? It's hard to get through stubborn people and if you try and calmly hear what they want they still won't hear you out and instead chooses to ignore you what do you do then?
    • JR  •  New York, New York  •  2 months ago
      Establish rules? Unless you've got a refree in the house, I don't think so.
    • SuperCee  •  2 months ago
      When my boo and I argue, we make it a point not to go to bed angry with each other and when we are done arguing, things go back to normal pretty quickly for us.
    • Helen C  •  Suzhou, China  •  2 months ago
      So I have to think about all this things when I was angry?
    • No Doubt  •  Seneca, South Carolina  •  2 months ago
      I am a therapist. Any "therapist" who talks about "fair fighting" is a dimwit. There are great skills to have an excellent relationship but they are not "fair fighting" techniques.
    • Carlos  •  2 months ago
      thhhpppppptttttt.....!!!!!!!
    • Lora R  •  Bellevue, Nebraska  •  2 months ago
      Best advice I ever got was straight out of the Bible, it is a woman's job to lift up her husband, it is a man's job to love his wife. If a man chooses to do something that a woman feels is unnecessary or frivolous, as long as that something is NOT against God, or will hurt the family then it is best to let him do it and fail because men learn better from making their OWN mistakes than by telling them that they will fail. If a woman can stand by her husband even when he makes mistakes and a man can love his wife when she makes her own then there is nothing that the marriage can't survive, even infidelity. Not that I suggest that anyone stand behind a cheating spouse. Infidelity and abuse are the only things listed as acceptable means of divorce in the Bible. If more people held to those decrees than there would be far less divorce and fewer impulsive marriages.

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