Friends Without Benefits

Broken Heart
I am concise in my explanation of what I want and feel I need. I want to share my life and not waste my time. I appreciate those who respect that and move along when they know that we want very different things.

When we are dating, I don't believe it a waste of time to maneuver around each other , or in and out of each others lives to figure out if this "works" or is something that maybe has the chance to be wonderful. That is what dating is for. That is the reason we get to know each other, spend time together etc. It is the reason behind divulging our private lives and thoughts and hopes and dreams.

It is strange though, how few people do actually respect that and take advantage of our hopefulness. I wonder how naive I must still be or how damaged my "picker" has become to not be able to detect the ones who are merely pretending. It is not only men who do this to women, women are just as bad to men. What I cannot seem to comprehend is the "why" of it. Why?

There are so many people out there who are looking for a friends with benefits thing or a hook up. I don't even find this wrong as long as both parties agree and are upfront about it, but I am confused as to how it benefits anyone other than fulfilling a physical need. Why not stick to those who want the same? Why drag in those who want the exact opposite? What is this game and does it somehow bring them a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment to pull a fast one on another?

Pulling the old switcheroo is a small person act. It is the action of a coward and swindler. It's simply wrong. Truly wrong and I am not afraid to say it. There is a huge difference between having second thoughts, changing your mind and outright being deceitful. If you know what you don't want, why pretend you do? What is the point of that?

Sex.

I know it is all about sex. There is nothing wrong with sex. I love it and sometimes wonder if God created that wondrous activity just for me. I am not-nor have I ever been a prude. I just don't want meaningless sex with someone who means nothing to me or someone I mean nothing to. Sex is so easily had now for both men and women there is no reason to use anyone.

We should not be biding our time. We shouldn't be hanging on to someone as we wait for someone better to come along. We shouldn't have fillers to fill up our days or nights. We are humans. We have some modicum of control that there shouldn't be any misunderstanding. There really should not be any need for the lies.

What is everyone so afraid of? You begin to date, get involved in a relationship and sometimes it works and sometimes you get hurt. Why is that so scary? How will we ever know what joy we can possibly have with someone if we are too yellow bellied to allow ourselves to experience them? We need to be brave while life is happening all around us.

Monika M. Basile