The Girl's Game Season Finalle
Recently I took to the stage as a guest to speak in a packed conference room full of men. We had hundreds of guys from all over the world hoping to glean just a small amount of insight into how the female psyche works.
At the start of my talk I asked them, "What do you think the biggest female dating problem is?" A range of answers came my way, no two the same and most of them pretty far from the mark.
The truth that men are clueless when it comes to modern romance is no mystery, for many of us it's taken as fact, but for men the idea that women could struggle with dating blows their mind.
Men are traditionally cast as the hunters of the dating arena, the problem being they aren't very good at it. Women on the other hand are more like farmers, they want to growth and nurture their interactions with sufficient depth even when it comes to casual relationships.
This leads to a disconnect with men complaining that women are too picky and women lamenting that there are no good men out there. In truth women and men both live in a world of scarcity when it comes to romantic options that are fulfilling even though there has never been a wider population pool to choose from. Because of this most women tell us they only meet a guy they really like an average of once every three months.
Of course if you've been watching the show you know women face many challenges beyond that, quite possible more than men:
So let's take a second to educate not just the women but the men as well, so you can better handle the hurdles you each face when trying to create a connection.
Here, are the top 3 issues for both men and women.
1. Everyone Is Afraid To Approach.
Traditionally this is a male issue but we've been turning the tables on women lately. No one likes to approach, it means putting yourself out there, making yourself vulnerable with another human being.
None of us like the idea of rejection, the reality is much less scary than you might believe. In the real world no one is watching you, and if it doesn't go anywhere then at least you know. You may even learn something useful about yourself.
Far too many of us spend hours wondering what if. Well, we miss 100% of the shots we don't take in life and life is way too short as it is. So what should you do when you see someone you like?
Tease them. Start a playful conversation, see if that person is in a receptive mood to meet you and take it from there.
If you're really stuck on something to say then I recommend this very simple tease:
"You're the nicest person I've met… In the last 5 seconds."
2. Maintaining Contact
Possible one of the most common questions we get asked: When should I ask for their details? Like all human interactions context is key and to boil it down to a 'right' time that fits every scenario isn't possible.
What we can say is that anytime after 5 - 10 minutes of conversation should be plenty but if you don't have that long then feel free to move faster.
The most useful indicator of your interaction can come from how you ask to remain in contact. I recommend you ask: "How can we stay in touch?"
If they offer their number then you know they also enjoyed the interaction but get a Facebook and you know that they aren't as serious as you. Chalk it up to experience and carry on.
3. Physical Escalation
When do I get physical? The answer is deceptively simple, when you can clearly tell a friend why exactly that other person likes you and exactly why you like them.
The biggest cause of regret from moving too fast usually comes from an incorrect perception of the other person that leads to regret due to your incompatibility.
I will also note that when it comes to making 'the first move' it will always fall to the guy to initiate. Women rarely want to make the first move and consistently report losing attraction to guys that aren't willing to be assertive and show their interest (at the right time of course).
But as human beings there are many steps to the courtship phases that we all go through when we meet someone new. Gradually build up of contact, from touching on the arm, to hugging, handholding, making out.
There is a natural progression to physicality that you'll recognize in all your relationships. Missing those can also mean moving too fast.
Those are the three big areas that both men and women struggle with.
The problems each gender face are remarkably similar despite our reticience to see them but that's an important lesson to remember.
That special someone may be just as shy as you are but don't let that hold you back from saying hello.
~Mehow, Jake & The Girl's Game Team