What Guys Think About the Stuff in Your Apartment
By Frank Kobola
Whenever you visit someone's apartment or house for the first time, you start to notice decorations or things left out that can tell you a lot about that person. Some things are subtle, like the kind of movies they like, or the books they're reading. Others are a little, uh, different. Here's what guys think of your stuff:
1. A Table Covered in DIY Projects
Pros: She's obviously into crafts, and some guys really dig the kind of girl that are always on Pinterest making cute decorations and stuff.
Cons: She's obviously into crafts, and some guys really hate the kind of girl that are always on Pinterest making cute decorations and stuff.
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2. A Kitchen With a Mandoline, a Garlic Press, a Steamer, and Other Contraptions You Don't Understand
Pros: She's obviously into cooking. If you guys date for a while, you can eat like a king.
Cons: You're going to have to step it up when you take her out to restaurants. Qdoba is right out.
3. A Weird Amount of Condoms. Like, a Garbage Bag Full of Condoms
Pros: She practices safe sex.
Cons: Is this too many condoms? Is this just enough condoms? Are there so many because she's always having sex or because she's never having sex? Which is better? How many condoms do I have at home? Do I have too many? Does any of this matter? My brain is broken.
4. Pizza Boxes and Beer Bottles
Pros: She can hang.
Cons: I don't know if this is acceptable after college.
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5. Stuffed Animals/Dolls
Pros: She's really cute and adorable and hasn't lost her child-like sense of wonder yet.
Cons: Is she over 30? Are there more than a few? Did you wander into her bedroom only to be met by the gaze of dozens of lifeless porcelain doll eyes staring at your from their vantage-points on various shelves and tables? She is going to cut your head off.
6. Self-Affirming Notes
Pros: Lots of successful people leave positive notes and goals around to keep them motivated.
Cons: You can't even see the mirror when you walk into the bathroom because it's covered in post-its that say, "ur amazing." Leave out the window.
7. A Giant, Ornate Bed with Tons of Pillows and Blankets
Pros: Sleeping over at her house is going to be awesome.
Cons: She probably decked it out because she loves sleeping in, which means you're going to do that thing where you wake up earlier than her and then you don't know what to do because you're not in your house so you just lie there pretending to be asleep for hours until she also wakes up.
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8. Taped-up Posters
Pros: This is a great conversation starter if you ever need to be like, "Oh, you're into this movie?"
Cons: No one over the age of 23 should have posters in their place. Framed posters are slightly more acceptable.
9. Lots and Lots of Pictures of Pet(s)
Pros: She's kind and caring and compassionate. There's nothing wrong with loving animals.
Cons: If every other decoration in her room is some variation of "I Love My Shih Tzu," she loves her Shih Tzu more than you.
10. A Dream Catcher Over the Bed
Pros: ???
Cons: Seriously, what the hell?
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