What Happily Married Women Know About Choosing the Right Man

Photo: Thinkstock
Photo: Thinkstock

By Lise Funderburg

Janice and Stanley Weintraub

Ages:
Both 62

Years married:
35

Occupations: Part-time dental hygienist; Realtor

How did you know he was the one? I believed in him. He didn't have a job, he wasn't a college grad and I was, but I saw his potential. I saw that he was loving, caring, and very interested in me. He had all the traits to be a good husband and father. He was a good salesman--he sold me!

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What's made it last? Having a sense of humor. He taught me that, too, though I am still not a hundred percent there yet.

Advice? Choose your battles and understand that as you change, your mate also changes. You have to involve yourself in different activities and hobbies so you don't become boring, and you have to realize that you don't marry one person--you marry the entire family.

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Yvonne and Harold Haskins

Ages: "We're both still working, so let's just say 'mature'"

Years married: 33

Occupations: Attorney, underwriter for Fannie Mae; senior administrator at the University of Pennsylvania

How did you know he was the one? It was a gradual process. I respected him for the work he was doing in the community before I fell in love with him. I was a police officer and he was a youth worker. I got to know his soul and his values and his thought process and how he viewed the world before I ever dated him. Then one summer, I was in the hospital and he brought me the biggest milk shake I'd ever had.

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What's made it last? We're still stimulated by each other intellectually, and I still think he's the sexiest man in the world. He's as witty as the devil, and I appreciate that. We've always been partners, and we were always looking at the world and helping in our small way. He has a thousand kids around the world that he's worked with--he's gotten more black kids through the University of Pennsylvania that I can count. You hear the pride when I talk about him. At the same time, I hear from other people that he's proud of me.

Advice? I wish someone had told me in my young life that I didn't have to carry all the weight in my relationship. That was what happened in my failed first marriage. I was a "nobody can do it better than I can" person, but half the time I was wishing someone else would take it away.

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Liz Bien and Alan Gewirtz

Ages:
52 and 53

Years married: 25

Occupations: University administrator; professor of medicine

How did you know he was the one? We went to school together; he was one of my closest friends.

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What's made it last? I always say that it's because he's slightly deaf and legally blind. That we're very different is helpful--when he's down in the dumps I'm up, and when I'm down he's usually optimistic. You also have to admire the person you marry. He has to be smart and funny. Alan makes me laugh.

Advice? Pick your battles. But it helps to fight, because it's good to get it out in the open rather than let it simmer. I don't believe in being passive-aggressive.

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