Have You Ever Heard of Sexual Anorexia?

It's an incredibly horrible disorder. For me it stemmed from massive rejection in childhood I never recovered from it. I'm not sure Carnes got it right. I read his book and didn't relate. I think that because he's a sex addict he doesn't really understand that sexual addiction isn't the other side of the same coin. That's oversimplification. It's an attachment disorder. It's a reaction to the devastation of rejection. An overreaction. At least that is what it is for me and most of the people I know.

I know what Sex addiction is and I was married to an unadmiited sex addict.It was a nightmare. Now, we are divorced and I have stayed out of relationships for several years. A friend of mine said I am " sexually anorexic". I don't know- I was just too tired raising my daughter to be bothered. It's still better than what I was doing before. Anyway, I don't want to be hurt or hurt someone else. So, until I figure out what I want, I think I should just continue doing what I am. There's plenty of time ..............

Maybe some of them are unmarried and are following God's word on the issue. Why should this be called a disorder?

I suppose the nuns and priests are anorexics, too? Good grief.

I was married, now divorced, to someone like this. I read an article a few years ago suggesting another possibility, that she's simply asexual like some are oriented as hetero or homo. She suffered from eating disorders before marriage, so this piqued my curiosity. Her two sisters are basically the same. Hasn't dated in four years since divorce either. Childhood trauma, cold parents, broken relationship, I have no idea. Apparently, it's only for sitting and peeing.

My heart goes out to Cheekers, but I think there is some misunderstanding among you. First of all, both sexual anorexia and sexual addiction exist - so says the half-a-dozen groups and therapists by boyfriend and I have been to over the past 18 months. The two can survive as separate addictions (yes, I said sexual anorexia is an addiction), or live simultaneously in a symbiotic relationship. My 29-year-old boyfriend, for instance, as spent the last decade engaging in dozens of anonymous sexual encounters in addition to cybersex and Internet porn. And, I was the "lucky" girl to have discovered his addiction 6-months into our relationship.

The irony is, he also suffers from sexual anorexia. For an addict, this can often be the pendulum swinging back to the other side; they don't want to act out, so they instead completely cut themselves off. While this makes sense, this is not the case with my boyfriend. He has always been a sexual anorexic: that is, he is completely unable to participate in INTIMATE, loving sex with a committed partner but has no problem in unhealthy sexual encounters. In other words, he hasn't the first clue (and is petrified) about how to have a sexual relationship with someone he actually loves.

Also, I think people are under the impression that there is a finite definition for sexual addiction or anorexia. There is not. You can be a sex addict whether you have sex with 3 people or 100. You can be a sex addict whether you obsessively masturbate, look at porn, or have affairs. Conversely, you can be an anorexic by not having sex AT ALL, by having sex very rarely, or by simply being unable to open yourself up to the types of relationship where healthy sex is possible. In other words, it's not about the acts themselves, it's about why. Neither disease has a whole lot to do with sex. It's all about control, whether the addict can recognize that or not.

My BF is now a recovering addict, attending 12-step meetings and therapy sessions weekly. We are also in therapy together. His anorexia has been a much harder issue for him, and we are just now cracking the surface. But, the point is, recovery is possible.

Are there disrespectful a**holes out there just looking to have a good time? Absolutely. But don't assume just because someone has the bravado of the "player" that there aren't real problems there.

Long story short, there IS such a thing as sex addiction and you're only kidding yourselves if you think otherwise. While the "label" may be new, it's been around forever. Just read Dr. Patrick Carnes' books, "Out of the Shadows" and "Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred" He is the foremost authority and has devoted recovery centers to that very thing.

If you're guy is willing to get help, it might be worth a shot. If he can't recognize it, then certainly don't put yourself in danger. But coming from someone who knows, sexual addiction is not just an "excuse."

How to deal with a sexual anorexic? Catch them in the binging mode.

This article sounds silly as hell. So are you saying people that practice abstinence are "sexually anorexic?" It seems like people will come up with anything to get you to read it. What ever happened to good newsworthy journalism?

If any women are interested, you can also follow my blog at:

www.sheindc.blogspot.com

hello

I may have this,kinnda makes sense.

I think a lot of behaviors are labeled "disorders" or "syndromes" when all they really are is a group of behaviors that are pretty common at varying degrees. There are many reasons a person would be celibate. I went without sex for 20 months because I was still holding on to a past relationship. It's almost like I am addicted to this person and no one else will do. He also continues to contact me and talk about me to mutual friends. When we see each other he is very happy to see me hugs me and tells me he loves me. But I know that if that were true he would be with me. I am not fooling myself about that. So I want to move on but I avoid intimacy and even dating because of my fears of being dissappointed and hurt again. I have been single for a while now. I feel uncomfortable letting a man get too close or touch me, almost becoming claustrophobic at times. I have dated some recently and the men want to continue but when I think about the time and effort of a relationship I don't want to risk the investment just to be let down. I find that the longer I go without intimacy the more uncomfortable I am with it. I recently have forced myself to step out of my comfort zone and have had a few sexual encounters with men I just met. It was ok and I think it was helpful. I don't necessarily want to engage in casual sex. However, I think it is crucial for my recovery from this painful experience.

I think this is a crock of bull! Why are people so quick to believe something just because some random psychologist says he studied it? Wasn't being gay once widely considered a mental disorder? Why? Because of stuff like this! Maybe some people just don't like sex! Simple as that. Avoiding sex an addiction? How hard is it to avoid sex? I mean really, I just don't see how that can preoccupy you too much.

I think that my mother in law has sexual anorexia.... she hasnt been with anyone in six years, and stays at home every night so we know that she's hasnt had any for an extremely long time... I feel bad for her, but she is so controlling. When it described it as making people feel powerful, i can see why she is the way she is. I always knew that she needed some d*** and she would be a nicer person!!! ha!

oh wow, Tiger Woods is hardly a sex addict. he is just a man in an arranged married who got caught with his pants down. he also has the fortune to hire very good publicists who turned his philandering ways into an addiction that most people know very little about, to the point that they might villify him less. until reports come out that say Tiger had sex with a tranny in a dirty gas station bathroom across the street from the hospital while his child was being born, he is just a cheating asshole.

I know someone who has this, wish she would tell her fiance before he finds out the hard way...(no pun intended).

ROFL Melissa

Feeling like you've been "hurt too much" to let down your "guard" is very much a disorder.

The first step is realizing that because you're still desperately holding on to the hopes and dreams of the past and the related pain you have become what pop culture refers to as a "paranoid psycho b*****." That's not how I would put it but I'm sure you get my drift.

The past is gone and won't come back. Rather than hide in your sexless fortress of solitude, learn your lesson, get rid of preconceived notions of how a partner and life is "supposed to be," and reengage with life with an open mind.

The inability to let go and move on in a healthy fashion is one of the leading causes of yet another pop culture phenonomenon ... the "Bridezilla."

wow!! i will agree that tiger of course does have an addiction, because right now he is taking classes. Which kinda proves it.....Sarah!! Tiger has a desire for women and can't be tied down to one of course. I mean if you were rich, handsome, cute and sexy you would too. I do think that what tiger did was very mean to his wife and the wife deserves everything that is in thier name. But of course i bet tiger is gonna pay a very fancy lawyer and get most of it, because thats what all the rich people do. I feel very sorry for the wife and wish her good luck!! by the way this article is pretty cool! keep going hahaha you'll here a lot of me. bye!!!!<3

Wow I didnt know it had a name... I wonder what the cure is???

A deliberate choice to remain celibate, even though you may have sexual desire, isn't what's being discussed here. Sexual anorexia is a willful disinterest in sex....a deliberate effort to be asexual and avoid sex in all aspects of life. Like, avoiding even THINKING about it. "Ooo, scary, that might require acting like an adult!!"

I'm not big on Carnes for various reasons, but I see his point about someone feeling powerful by avoiding the tricky adult emotions that come with sex. And men struggle with these things nearly as much as women do, believe it or not.

I'm not necessarily saying this qualifies as "sexual anorexia" precisely, but I have had a couple of experiences while dating in my twenties with women who really seemed to be terrified of sex and seemed to feel safer acting like an innocent child. It was weird. I think it's also a control issue (withholding and all that), but you can only play that card so many times. Didn't really work with me, anyway, since my attitude was more along the lines of, "Look, if you don't want to have sex, like EVER, that's fine. I'm not trying to force anything on you. At that same time, you'll have to understand if I just move on to someone I can actually share intimacy with and who won't play stupid games with me."

Life's too short for BS.