By Marianne Beach, GalTime.com
Imagine--you think you've found the perfect guy. He's got the looks, the great job, the sparkling personality--but when you lock lips for the first time, he turns out to be a complete dead fish. What's a girl to do? Focus on the positives? Run screaming into the night? Or help him hone his technique?
We asked Andréa Demirjian, The Kissing Expert, and author of the book Kissing - Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life's Sweetest Pleasures.
"Kissing, for many, is considered the barometer for the relationship as it speaks to sexual compatibility, and the strength of desire and attraction," she says. "So if the first kiss with a new guy doesn't make you quiver, or at least show serious quiver potential, many a gal has been known to cut and run. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that."
Related: Do You Smooch Enough?
But, she says, you might want to cut the guy a break or at least give him a second chance at that first kiss. After all, he could be nervous or feeling awkward. Or maybe he just needs a little help with his technique.
"A guy can move from 'remedial' to 'head of the class' with some enthusiastic encouragement and guidance," she says. "But a girl really needs to know there could still be a drop out rate despite the 'one-on-one' attention."
And remember, it might be a case of personal preference versus technique.
"I'm a firm believer that just as there is a lid for every pot, there is the right kind of kisser for everyone," says Demirjian. "And a guy that might seem like a terrible smoocher to you, could be the sensational answer to another girl's dream. So much of kissing is about the chemistry of the way two people randomly connect - from their tastes, their smells, the co-mingling of how these body perfumes create that intoxicating combined scent."
But if you do want to try a little Kissing 101 with your significant other, it's important to keep his feelings in mind. As in you might not want to blurt out his faults in the middle of a smooching session. Instead, take a more subtle approach.
"While kissing, you can subtly assume the 'driver's seat' and show him how you like to be kissed by kissing him in that fashion - the proverbial 'lead by example'," Demirjian suggests. "Become the sensei. Take the lead in the make-outs. Make it a fun, sexy, playful game. Sometimes a guy's innate talents have not had a chance to shine on the field until the right gal makes him a superstar snogger."
Related: 3 Biggest Mistakes Women Make in Bed
Of course if he doesn't take the hint, you might need to get more direct. But be sure to stay kind and sensitive while still being honest.
"You adore him, and relish your time together, but there is something not working," says Demirjian. "Be positive. Show enthusiasm for wanting to work it out with him. And share thoughts on how you want to help improve his kissing, like suggest that next time you take turns kissing just on each other's lower lips with soft caresses of the tongue, and nothing more."
And make sure you ask him what he wants from you as well. After all, are you totally positive you've got your kissing technique down?
"Take that moment to ask him if there is something he might like to see you doing otherwise so he doesn't feel as if the balance hangs on him, and him alone," Demirjian insists. "Kissing is a two-way street."
Ready to get started? Here's The Kissing Expert's tried and true tips for better kissing:
- Floss & Gloss - A kiss all starts with your lips and mouth. For sparkly clean teeth and snappy fresh breath, floss and brush with extra care. For supple, sexy lips, moisturize daily and generously (this goes for guys and gals!).
- Get Mellow Yellow - Happy kissing isn't just about an inviting mouth and smooth lips, it's about the right mind and spirit. Empty your head from the static of the day, and just concentrate on the pleasure you're about to give and/or receive.
- Create A Cozy Nook - For comfy canoodling, light a few candles, play some soft music, nibble on some snacks and sip a lovely beverage, and curl up together. If at a restaurant, request a corner table, and enjoy necking in your nook.
- Get Lip to Lip - At the start, "less is more". Begin with slow, gentle kisses. Stroke or kiss the crook of your honey pot's neck. Run your fingers through his hair. If on the town, save the high octane osculating for home!
- Spread A Little Love with a Kiss - Kiss with enthusiasm and respect, abandon and no regret. Kiss knowing each one counts for something. And forever be in quest of kissing!
Have you ever tutored in Kissing 101? Has anyone ever said anything to YOU about your kissing? What's your favorite kissing tip? Let us know!
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