Help! I'm In a Sex Rut!

girl dont fell bad mine does that to but he works at the air port and i have is kid not mine and i dont spend time with him he would rether sleep on the couch then with me so if you know that to do let me know at ashleyannwillyard@yahoo.com

Why do you feel like you're the only one who has to take it upon herself to change things up in bed? After all, your husband is part of your sex life. He tells you he's tired of the same position, and he wants a little more excitement, but he doesn't tell you what that is. Instead he puts you in a position where you're the one who has to think what that extra spark has to be. I see that as being selfish he wants you to please him in different way, yet he doesn't take it upon himself and say, "You know what I'm gonna have my way with her like I've never done, and kiss her and touch her differently." And it doesn't matter if he knows that you have found your comfort zone, if he really wants to spice it up he will try especially on Mother's Day it is YOUR day not his. He's the one who should take you out of this rut not you or us, the readers, but your husband.

I am so tired of you women with these GREAT, wonderful men, passing out and controlling when "you do it", etc. At the same token, I am so sick of these Great,wonderful men, putting up with that too. Why do men cheat? Because you boring women, stop treating your man like the king that he is. Stop being his mother, and be his lover.

I know you don't know me, but I still thought I could help. You should probably just change it up a bit. Like wear something that will really turn him on then totaly and complety make sure he gets what he wants! Let him do some of the talking(if you know what I mean) but at the same time don't hold back what you have! Let him know that you are ready for anything he decides to do. But make sure you are comfortable with whatever you decide to do. Otherwise it won't be worth it!

The point I was trying to make, by pointing out the apparent lack of early-relationship-style desire (more on that below), is that it probably isn't as simple as putting on a costume, or trying out some new positions. I could be reading your conversation completely wrong, but my reaction is, don't be fooled by words like "adventurous." When one partner finds himself suddenly not in the mood, it probably isn't about a lack of toys.

Yes, this fading of early desire is a problem for nearly all couples. The early fireworks stage naturally fades. Frankly, it _should_ fade; living in that state of adrenaline-pumping excitement can't be physically healthy long-term. The problem is replacing it with something sustainable, in which both partners feel desireable and desired, even without all the sparks. (Or accessories, unless accessories are what lights your fire in the first place. If they aren't naturally your thing, you probably will just feel awkward.)

Good luck in your relationship work. That is a sincere wish.

Download some porn onto your laptop. Find something You'll like. Find 3 or 4 different scenes, nothing is better than fast forwarding to the good bits. Then tell him that he HAS to watch this new video clip you found. Surprise him with porn sex.

If your husband feel as though he's in a rut bring him out. Me being married for 3 yrs if found out men can sometimes have the horny sprees where they might want it every night and different ways. If he wants to play rough then play that way. It could be one night where you may come home early and wait for him nude and take it. Some men like to be tooken advantage of...lol at least mines do! " But please make sure kids are away!" One thing that bring some excitment to life is being blindfolded. Not being able to see brings more focus on scent, and hearing and feeling. Just somethings to think about.

Time to put on your bad girl hat and be a submissive lover. Lose the prim and proper mommy attitude and the professional wife way of thinking. Men want a lady by day and our own lil slut by night. Get with the program.

if you get Mom's night off. maybe he should get kinky hot MAMA night.
sometimes we have to step out of the comfort zone and give a little more. sounds like you got a good man so give him a treat of you. A different outfit, role playing, a lap dance by you, most anything to show him how important he is to you. believe me a little special love goes a long way.

I think that I'm having that same problem with my man cuz I'm open to some positions and he keeps asking me to try anal with him well I'm not comfortable with that. My butt is not meant for a d*ck even if its his. I'm worried that may put a damper on things.

Okay, unless I misinterpreted, you're spending Mother's Day in a hotel while your hubby is at home watching the kids? Sorry, that sounds really weird to me.

Switch it up do something crazy but still in your comfort zone.something thats you but at the same time something that will leave like "wow!" be creative.

let your husband tell you what he wants a do what ever he suggest:)

Hi all -

I like your ideas.

As always, Instrument has some great points. The one thing that irks me about him though - sorry dude - is that you never seem to see that I'm TRYING to get my libido back. I obviously get that men don't want to be "thanked" for sex. But more than a lot of women, I'm actually trying to remedy the situation.

It's a hard place to be in, because I know that it's not up to Rex to ultimately make me happy. I have a lot to do with it.

Lots of things in life can affect libido - something I'm not going to discuss with the world - and I'm simply trying to get relaxed enough again where I can enjoy sex more. I adore my husband, and I WILL get there.

HI HW R YOU

In the interest of clarity:

"I obviously get that men don't want to be "thanked" for sex."

Not thanked -FOR- sex. Thanked -WITH- sex. In other words, we don't want sex as a thank-you gesture for something else we did for you. We want sex to be for its own sake, because you find us sexy and desirable. Sex as a thank-you for watching the kids still smells like mercy sex, which isn't very appetizing. Sex as a reward for painting the bedroom is just plain demeaning. (I know...that last one was supposed to be a joke. I'll stop belaboring it now....)

For that reason, I suggest not framing it in those terms. (Even to yourself.) Find a way to make it about how much he lights your fire, not how well he takes out the trash. I know it sounds like pandering to his fragile ego, but what is wrong with that? Show me a person without some ego issues around their desirability, and I'll show you a corpse in a coffin. (Who felt rejected after the first "Not tonight, honey" this time around? We all have it.) My wife and I are both twenty years older, thirty pounds heavier and two kids busier than when we first met. Obviously things are not as inherently sexy as they were way back when, and pretending not to notice is just lying. But I still find her beautiful and desirable, and I like hearing from her that she feels the same way about me.

Best wishes.

p.s. pussnboots, thanks for the vote of confidence in my viewpoint, but I don't think words like "bad wife" are productive here.

I agree with DeadlyPoision. Why does it fall to the woman all the time to be as sexy and slutty as possible to keep her man interested?
A lot of women get flak and are blamed for a sex rut, but hey, there are men who are equally uninspiring in bed too.
I applaud Andrea for trying despite a not-so-high libido. Rex should understand that. Everyone's giving suggestions on what to do and that's great. But credit should be given to Andrea, who is really making an effort despite not having the highest of libido. Many women just don't care.

HI I AM JUST GOING TO CALL MYSELF MS. B MY HUSBAND HAD SEX WITH ANOTHER WOMAN , NOW HE IS SETTING HERE WORKING ON MY MIND. FROM A MISTAKE HE MADE. I AM SUFFERING FROM NOT BEING HAPPY WITH THE LIFE, OF MARRIAGE AND I AM HERE SUFFERING FOR HIS MISTAKE. HE HAS A DISEASE AND HE CAN NOT GET RID OF IT. I TELL HIM I CARE ABOUT HIM I COULD NEVER HURT HIM NOT ,AS MUCH HE HAS DONE TO ME BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG I COULD TAKE IT I HAVE NOT HAVE SEX IN 5 YEARS. I AM UN HAPPY DEPRESS GOING CRAZY. TELLME WHAT CAN I DO?

"I know that you aren't as adventurous as I am, so I don't want to push it. "

Have you talked about his adventurous side? What does his adventurous side consist of?

Role playing? Exhibitionism? Bondage?

If you really want to light his fire, find out what his fantasies are, and fulfill them. Yeah- if you are a vanilla person, it will feel silly/uncomfortable at first. Don't do anything that you really don't enjoy, that's for sure, but you can ease into a comfort zone with certain situations.

I'm sure you're aware of the multitude of dating sites out there- and i'm not trying to promote anything, but there is a BDSM dating website that has this huge checklist of 'activities'.

You fill it out selecting- Yes please!, Maybe..., or Definitely Not!

If you both fill these out, you will find areas that overlap in your sexual interests, and you'll find out what you could do to really get him started.

yeah- a checklist really isn't the sexiest thing in the world, but if you do them on your own time, when you aren't together, and review them individually- it won't feel like the SAT's filling in little circles.

Then, once you're comfortable with the idea of all of that- you could have one of those wonderful sexual conversations where you talk about the things you listed, and how you'd like to see them unfold. This is a really arousing conversation (or at least in my opinion) so it's pretty fun to have. Also- a few glasses of wine helps with our honesty and the giggles.

In past articles you mentioned that you're pretty vanilla, so i understand this is a little outside you're comfort zone- but- it will give him a chance to have his adventurous side heard, and considered in a very real way.

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