Affirmations are a powerful tool to help couples change the way they perceive themselves separately, and as members of their relationship. Affirmations work by using repetition to change the subconscious mind. Imagine this: Your mind is a control board of thoughts and feelings; the subconscious is the big switch in charge of it all. Turn it one way and you're on cloud nine, turn it another and you're down in the dumps. For example, if you say things like "This will never work," "I'm so unlovable," "Our relationship is horrible" or "He's a jerk!" your thoughts, even the subconscious ones, turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. However, in the same vein, by using positive affirmations, you can instill constructive and loving thoughts in your mind. After all, energy follows thought. That's why affirmations like "We can make this work," "We're on the right track," "He's really trying" and "I'm loveable," can turn your relationship from a dark, troubled and hopeless place, towards an arena of light, change and hope.
Some people believe that it's necessary to repeat affirmations aloud hundreds of times a day. I'm not one of those people. If you are expounding aloud on positive aspects of your relationship, but inwardly hearing yourself tear down your partner, relationship or self, your internal voice will win out. That's why I believe strongly, the most effective affirmations are those repeated internally when you are in a peaceful or quiet state, while meditating, walking, watching the clouds, or simply lying on the bed or couch (no sleeping). The trick is to say affirmations while your mind is in a relaxed and receptive state, what scientists refer to as traveling on "alpha brain waves."
It's best to keep your affirmations in the present with statements such as "I am happy" rather than "I am going to be happy." It's also a good idea to avoid any negative words; frame your affirmations to reflect what you want rather than what you fear or dread or dislike. For example, instead of the affirmation "I wish I were less self-conscious" opt for "I am confident." Also avoid putting your affirmation on a deadline. "Our relationship will be healed in month" means you're leaving yourself open for failure. Simply say "Our relationship is healing."
Personally created affirmations are optimum, but the ones listed below are also strong and effective. In any case, make sure to pick affirmations that resonate like a vibrating bell within your being -- not just from your logical mind. To help affirmations reach their most powerful potential, you can try visualizations to accompany them. For example, you might imagine your lover in your arms or walking side by side and smiling, or staring into each other's eyes, or both reaching for a shiny key or brilliant flickering star. The picture is ultimately your creation, so be the Rembrandt of Romance.
•Our relationship is strong and committed.
•We are in a fulfilling and nurturing relationship
•Our relationship is honest, loyal and trusting.
•We are in a loving relationship.
•We are compatible spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually.
•My partner is the love of my life
•We draw love and romance into our beings
•All difficulties between my partner and myself are healing now.
•All of the changes in our relationship are for the best.
•We express pure, unconditional love towards each other.
•My partner finds me irresistible and I find my partner irresistible.
•We choose to see each other unconditional love and compassion.
•We forgive each other.
•We are in a joyous relationship.
•We are grateful for our love.
•We laugh together.
•All is well in our relationship
•There is no problem we can't solve together
•Our hearts are open to each other.
•Our relationship is working.
•We have a beautiful future together.
•We feel safe and protected by our love.
•We are attracted to each other.
•Our vision of the future is with each other.
•We are continually opening to love and passion.
•We are good friends.
•All of the changes in our relationship are positive
•We are receptive to our passions and sexual desires for each other.
•We support each other.
•We respect and accept our differences.
•We want to know how we can love each other more.
•We know true love opens new possibilities.
•When we look in each other's eyes we see love looking back.
•There is no end to our love.
•We rejoice in our relationship.
•We respect each other.
•We are focusing on the big picture.
Robin Westen is the author of "Relationship Repair."
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