If you wonder what he's thinking about your bikini body while lounging at the pool in his old trunks, Whys Guy Aaron Traister has your answer. REDBOOK.
This month we're going to a place where men's darkest desires intertwine with our deepest insecurities. A place fraught with conflicting emotions, where we don't know whether to expose ourselves to the world or cover up our crushingly obvious personal failures. Of course, I'm talking about the public pool. Come, as we take a trip there in the mind of a man.He's thinking: Why did I eat so much bacon this winter?
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He's thinking: Why did I eat so much bacon this winter?
In regular life, dudes have the uncanny ability to delude themselves about how they look. I convinced myself for years that my weight was "hovering" between 210 and 220 pounds. In reality, it was not "hovering" at all-it had "sunk" under the strain of holding up my 250 pounds. Stripping down in front of other people, I had to confront that hefty reality. Thanks to the pool, I was finally embarrassed into a healthier lifestyle.
Lots of men still in denial simply refuse to go to the pool, but others have the bright idea to wear their T-shirts in the water. This does not disguise the gut-it just draws attention to it. The guy is trying to look all casual, but a waterlogged T-shirt that weighs 20 pounds and threatens to drag him under tells a different story. It shouts, "Please don't stare at my pale giant belly!" Prevent your husband from humiliating himself this way.
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He's thinking: Wow, my wife looks good.
The great contradiction of the pool is that as bad as we feel about our own bodies, we sure enjoy checking out yours, unencumbered by modern contrivances like pants. If you've ever noticed how your husband gravitates to the bedroom and finds dumb stuff to talk about (example: "I think we need a new picnic basket") when you're getting dressed, then you probably know how much he enjoys seeing you in your bra and underwear. A bathing suit is basically a bra and underwear, only waterproof.
Of course, you're not the only half-naked lady at the pool, and unless you slap a pair of horse blinders on me, I'm going to notice a few of them. But it's a detached appreciation. We're not at Club Risque to ogle-we're at the community center because the AC is on the fritz. Besides, any creepy middle-aged flirt will be put in his place. When he suggests to Jenna, the 21-year-old head lifeguard, that they work out together sometime, it just makes everyone within earshot uncomfortable (though, granted, it's a ballsy move considering he won't take his T-shirt off). His wife doesn't even have to get mad. The look Jenna is giving him is enough.
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It's better just to appreciate the woman you have in front of you, soaking up the sun, rubbing on lotion, wearing so little… Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah!
He's thinking: Let's make out in the pool!
It's a strong impulse, especially if you've managed to hit the pool without your kids. But just because you've pawned them off on their grandparents for a few hours doesn't give you and your spouse the right to get all handsy in the deep end. Yes, the weather is hot, and it's just the two of you for the first time in weeks. I know, I know, but the pool does not make you invisible. I don't care how chlorinated that water is-it's not sanitary, and you're freaking out the elderly woman doing water aerobics. Bottle up that sexual energy and save it for the parking lot behind the Wendy's on the way home, the way the Founding Fathers intended.
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