It's a tiny little sign, but it says a mouthful about how the person feels about me.
-Faye Brennan, BettyConfidential.com
Some women have their own "signs" they look out for to see if a date is really into them. "He's smiling a lot and I just made him laugh (good sign). Ooh, he touched my leg (very good sign), but he keeps checking his cell phone (bad sign)..."
I have one sign that's foolproof for me, but it's not as obvious as giving me a flirty touch or laughing at my jokes. This sign is a very small, specific thing a guy does that immediately tells me whether or not he really likes me -- and I've been right 90 percent of the time.
It relates back to my pre-teen years, when I had really bad skin, easily the worst in my grade. It made me so self-conscious and shy because I thought it was all people were looking at when they talked to me. I used to intently watch people's eyes -- were they looking in mine when I spoke, or my chin, forehead and cheeks? It drove me insane to think that the important things I was trying to say were drowned out by my unfortunate skin. I would regularly yell at my sister, "Look into my eyes!" and then break down in tears, thinking that this was how I was going to go through life -- struggling to be heard.
After a year on Accutane, my skin was clear for good, right in time for high school. I no longer had to worry about what people were looking at when I spoke, and yet I couldn't get rid of my "eye contact awareness." I was certainly less obsessive about it, but I would know right away whether people were paying attention to me or were busy focusing on something else.
To this day, it's the sign I look for most when I'm on a date. So, the good conversation, the touches, the laughs, the flirty remarks? They mean nothing (other than he's attracted to me). But, if I'm telling a story and he can't even keep eye contact for a minute before his eyes are somewhere else (like my neckline, the window, or the wall behind me), then I know he doesn't really like me. Sure, he may like the way I look or the idea of being with me, but he's not really interested in me as a person who's fun to get to know and has a lot to say.
Let me preface this by saying that I am not a big talker. I tend to listen way more on dates than offer up stories of my own (that's the shyness coming back to haunt me). But, when I do tell a story, I want the guy to listen.
I've been on dates where I've had to stop mid-sentence and laugh because of how blatantly obvious guys have been with their lack of eye contact. Their necks are basically spun 180 degrees around like a damn owl, and then they have the balls to ask what I'm laughing about. Other times, I've asked them point-blank mid-story, "What did I just say?" They sit, silent and defeated, and the date ends shortly after.
Now, one may argue against my confidence in the eye contact sign with claims of, "Well, some people suffer from ADD," and "Guys have short attention spans," which I totally understand and sympathize with. When you've been with a person for over a few months and you're past the "getting to know you" phase, it's only natural to catch yourself tuning out from time to time.
But, these are simply excuses when it comes to the first few dates. When a guy is on a great date and he really likes the girl he's with, nothing else in the room matters -- ADD or not, he's hanging off her every word. Because, even if what she's saying is a lame story about what she did earlier that day, he wants to know more about her, so he's going to sit, listen, and look in her eyes, intently.
When a guy does that, I know he's really into me. In my eyes, his eyes say it all.
Tell us: how can you tell if a guy really likes you?Faye Brennan is senior editor at BettyConfidential.
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