This is "sensual bondage" we're talking about--a kinder, gentler BDSM--that just focuses on simple wrist restraint. Anything more complicated and you'll need to school yourself thoroughly in the safety aspects of bondage, either with a professional or by reading Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook cover to cover. Until then, here are our top ten tips for sweet and simple wrist bondage:
1. What to use: Your best bet is a pair of purpose-made cuffs, with comfortable lining, that shut with either velcro or buckles (the former is way better for quick release in case of emergency, like your roommate coming home). They distribute tension evenly over a wide area, which is what you want. Many come with straps you can tether to your headboard, bedposts, bed frame or bed legs. Stay away from anything that locks with a key, lest you lose it and have to call the fire department. Rope has too high a learning curve to recommend here, and police-issue metal cuffs are too hard on the delicate wrists. And while they may look good, silk scarves and stockings have a tendency to get too tight under tension, making them unsafe and nearly impossible to untie without a pair of scissors. Also avoid thin ropes, twine, thread, and phone or electrical cord, as they're more likely to cut off circulation. Leather thongs may look good, but they cut into the skin and are a b---- to untie, so just go with the purspose-made ones like we told you.
If you're interested in testing out a little light bondage, the Daily Bedpost gives you 10 Reasons Why Velcro Cuffs Rule.
2. Restraint snugness: Don't make the cuffs too tight. You should be able to fit one or two fingers between the bondage and skin...
3. Circulation: Having a limb fall asleep is a sign of bad bondage, a definite no-no. The tie-er-upper should check for cooling or discoloration (i.e. whitening) of parts past the restraints about every few minutes. If the bound one starts feeling an uncomfortable tingling or numbness, they should pipe up. If you fail to follow these simple instructions and a limb gets totally numb, then remove the restraints, lower the limb, massage the area to help with blood flow, and cover up to help warm the limb.
4. Nerves: If you tie someone up incorrectly, very important nerve paths can get pinched. The result is usually shooting or focused pain. Untie immediately to avoid serious nerve damage!
5. Positions: Don't restrain someone in a standing position--you don't want any pressure on the restraints. Instead, make sure they're lying comfortably on their back on a bed--it's the least stressful. With a little practice, healthy dabblers can stay in a comfortable position for about a half hour. You can extend play by varying positions often and leaving enough slack (sometimes a few inches is all you need) for the bound person to move their bod a bit to readjust when necessary.
Head over to Glamour to find out What Other Couples Are Doing in Bed.
For the rest of the dos and don'ts of restraining your partner, head over to Daily Bedpost!
Some of the above was excerpted from our book "The Big Bang: Nerve's Guide to the New Sexual Universe"
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