Hyphenated married name fight heats up on Facebook

Oh, seriously - who cares and is it really anybody's business how you choose to name yourself? Last names originally came from places, professions, trades, combinations of father's first name+son, etc. Seriously a non-issue.

What happens when a Hyphenated name marries another Hyphenated name? Is that a quadruple word score?

Good for you! It's a personal decision! Men aren't asked to give up their last name for us, why should they expect it of us! My last name is my identity! My family is the one who shaped me, and changing your last name is an archaic throw back to when women were property. They took their husbands last name because the husband and his family owned them. My major concern is having children. I remember growing up and being very confused when children had hyphenated names or when the mother didn't have the name same as the father. Adults are equally judgmental (as the commenters on this article have indicated). It would be easier to simply take his last name as far as society goes.

I am a mechanical engineer and I am constantly fighting to be treated as an equal amongst the men. How could I possibly be an equal but lose part of my identity simply because I love somebody and they love me too! I will hyphenate my name if my husband will. I am glad to know there are other people who feel the same way I do. It's pathetic how judgmental people are in 2011.

P.S. good luck on your PhD! That's amazing. I hope to get mine one day!

Husband sounds like he has some "issues" that he needs to deal with, like some insecurity issues that should have been left behind in high school. Boy needs to grow up and become a man and get over the possessiveness issues that should have been outgrown in his first year of college. It's only a name, but it's "only" as important as you want it to be because it represents your family, a family that you grew up in and have attachments with and a lifelong commitment to, alongside your future life. It is not a part of your life that you will shed and forget as you move toward the future portion of your life, it will continue with you for as long as you live and remain a vivid part of your being. So to mingle it with your future would not be demeaning but more realistic as a mantle going forward.
But future husband really needs to deal with his "issues"! He's too insecure!

This is more of a cultural issue. Spanish and Hispanic naming conventions are for the Wife to keep her last name, the husband his. Kids get the Hyphen of both partents last names.
Example:
Joanna Rivas-Assante marries Miguel Santos-Arrojo. Both keep their names when married.

They have a child and name her Maria.
Maria Assante-Arrojo.

Changing your name for marriage is a cultural thing, and like any other part of marriage, needs to be discussed.

tradition...hahaha..

I was born and raised in PR. In PR we don't change our last names. we can hyphenate if we please. When you have a child the last name would be the father's last name and then the mother's last name . My son has a hyphenated name, he has my husband's and my name. After all..I did carry him for 9mo. I kept my last name; my sister ,on the other, hand changed hers to her husband's.. Totally personal opinion. It shouldn't matter who's name you have just as long you respect and love that person. Besides, why should we change our names? why can't men do it? it would be the same thing around, if he changes it, would it mean he is devoted to me? or would other men see it as what a dumb man, castrated by a woman? same dog different collar..Do whatever makes you happy...and no, Im not a crazy feminist either... My dad died while I was in Iraq. I decided to keep my maiden name so his name can carry on.. He had 3 girls. My husband understood my motives and respects them... for that I love him even more...

Women, what is the purpose of getting married if you are going to keep your own last name? Women, if you want to keep your last name stay single. That is something that your parents or grandparents should have taught you when you were growing up. To me, if you don't want just your husbands last name, there is no purpose for a husband. That is disrespectful to the husband. No one really cares what your last name is anyway. People don't take marriage serious enough as it is. Older people that we grew up around who were married only had one last name and that was their husbands' last name. People today want to what the world is doing and not what is right.

Taking your husband's name is part of the tradition of marriage. If you don't do it, you obviously do not have the same values as him and have no business being his wife.

You wrote: "The concept is as archaic and patriarchal as, oh I don’t know, forgoing your dreams to be an apron-sporting housewife a la June Cleaver or pretending to be an airhead to appease your guy’s fragile ego. Puh-lease."

You are so utterly offensive to those of us who do love our man enough to go along with TRADITION. This quote makes you seem immensely insecure of yourself. Wonder why he wants to marry you.

Hey lady, I also wonder in what field are you trying to obtain your PhD? I believe there is quite a bit you still need to learn about regarding many things in life.

bullcrap... you sound like a lesbonese... is your name ellen??? Most normal women sit and write there new last name and cant wait till the day...

I hyphenated my last name. I first started thinking about doing it when this guy I was very serious with in college had a last name that rhymes with my first name. Yikes! Not very mature of me, but the combination was horrible.

When I became engaged to my now husband, I thought about it again and told him about it. He did not like it one bit. I stood my ground. I'm still his wife and the mother of his children. Been married for 18 years now and I use my hyphenated name all the time. He's accustomed to it now (and I don't think I've heard a grumble from him about it in quite a few years).

Some women, particularly professional women, don't take their husband's name at all, so I'm actually somewhat surprised that you're thinking about hyphenating yours.

Since you mentioned Jada Pinkett Smith, that is another option for you: take on your maiden name as your middle name and take your husband's name as your last name. That would help when people are searching for you.

Whatever you decide, it's great to have the choice. I don't think it makes you a feminist, a radical, or anything else - just a woman with an option.

Best of everything to you!

This issue is far more emotionally charged than I'd have thought. I took my second husband's name. My job and the 'works' that are linked with my previous name haven't the importance that they once did with my work-reputation and economic success. I'd had the name almost all of my adult life, and longer than my maiden name, though. It was not a snap decision, but I eventually decided to take his name--and took considerable pleasure in doing so.

When I told my current husband my reasoning, I was astounded to find that he'd have had issues if I'd wanted to hyphenate ("Keeping with a previous man's name" was the way he put it). *laughter*--thankfully, we didn't have to fight that one out.

As an aside, it was much harder to change my name this time around. You no longer walk in to a place and say 'change my name, please. I've married.' Every agency/company wants it's own special proof. Insurance and government agencies have trouble giving proper service when the expected name is not on the form. It may be months before things are fixed and in agreement. I'm for couples deciding what works best for them, but I believe the basic decision IS the woman's. (YMMV)

I see both sides, though I am pretty excited about taking on my husband's last name (because mine is easily made fun of). I don't view taking my husband's last name as a loss of identity in any way, as a name is simply a name. My family is still my family. But, as I said, I see both sides, so please don't think that just because I want to take my husbands last name means that I am trying to judge someone who plans on hyphenating. HOWEVER, let's think this all the way through. Say you have Jane Doe and John Smith who get married. They have a kid... James Doe-Smith. James meets the girl of his dreams, who has parents who also hyphenated- April Williams-Anderson. They have a daughter who is then Lauren Doe-Smith-Williams-Anderson. And so on and so forth? Obviously that's a bit of a stretch in that it's unlikely at the moment for that to actually happen. But taking one name or the other (be it the man's or the woman's) does help down the line so that names are not 8000 syllables long.

As for the author referencing Jada Pinkett Smith and co, Many celebrities use stage names due to the Actor's guild requirements or personal reasons. (Nicolas Cage is a Cuppola, etc) So this really doesn't apply.

When I was growing up, I remember being out with my mom and people would hear what her last name was and ask if she was related to "so-and-so". She would tell them that "so-and-so" was her husband's cousin, or she didn't know if her husband was related to "so-and-so" etc... That bothered me even from a young age. Why should a woman give up her whole past identity just because she is married? What, other than tradition, would force someone to take their husband's last name?

Why can't I meet "Jane Doe-Smith" and be able to ask if she's related to John Doe from Smallville? Or if she's the same Jane Doe that went to Grammar school with my brother?

Why are some men so insecure to think that the only way a woman can prove her love for him is if she dumps her identity and takes his last name? If having the same name is so important to him, why not just choose one that neither one grew up with?

I've been married for 22 years to a guy who didn't care what my last name would be. We just knew we loved each other and wanted to spend our lives together. And it's a good life!!!

So what's the natural progression here? John Smith marries Jane Doe, hence becoming Mr. and Ms. Smith-Doe. Potential child's last name will be Smith-Doe also. Timmy Smith-Doe grows up and meets Annie Potter-Nash. They marry and become the Smith-Doe-Potter-Nashs. This continues unabated through many generations until mankind comes to a screeching halt as we all stand, rooted in place for years, introducing ourselves.

How to maintain the "professional branding" that we develop over the years while still taking on the husband's name? Go Southern on it! Its tradition in the South (ie the Gone With The Wind states) for a woman to move her maiden name to be her middle name and then take her husband's last name. So Scarlett Jane O'hara would have become Scarlett O'hara Butler. No hyphen needed, still google-able, and everyone's happy.

Well gang, back when I was a kid when a woman got married they changed to the husbands last name. This hyphenated stuff came around when the politically correct (P.C.) age happened in the 80's. Check the facts before you gripe.