Okay, I'm going to say it; Tiger owes those other women an apology. He owes them a sincere, honest, heartfelt apology and he needs to provide them with it ASAP, like today. However, since he's busy in rehab and in the interest of time, I will write the apology for him. So here goes…
I have seen you on the news sniffling, crying and being distraught about our affair ending and I think it is time for me to reach out to you, and provide an apology during your time of despair. I want you to know that I never wanted things to turn out like this, as I was willing to ride this pony until the wheels fell off, but obviously that is no longer possible. So let me take this opportunity to offer you my sincerest apology. I'd like to say that I am so sorry I misled you and fooled you into believing that I would consider leaving my wife and kids for a mattress actress. I'm sorry that you mistook our twice a month romp sessions for a meaningful relationship and that you failed to recognize that the promises I gave you were made during my PRE ejaculation phase. I'm sorry that I forgot to tell you I was married because I'm certain that if you'd known my marital status in advance you would not have been stupid enough to fall in love with another woman's husband. And I'm really, really sorry that no one, including myself, took the time to explain to you how the groupie game is played. You see, groupie handbook rule # I1269U clearly states that: "You are to disregard any and all gifts, promises, trinkets, text messages, blue stained dresses or statements which in any way indicate that you are important, permanent or taken seriously, until such time as you are publically acknowledged by me, removed from your hiding place, or introduced to the world as being a factor."
So once again, I'm really sorry about everything, but I'm especially sorry that you ignored the fact that you knew the job was dangerous with you took it.
Piece, oops, I mean peace,
So, what do you think? Will this work?