In my last post I revealed my big epiphany about exactly what I need to do in order to find ultimate contentment and enlightenment. Like the fabulous book Eat Pray Love,it does not involve a pilgrimage through Italy, India and Indonesia. It does not include purging myself with lemon juice, bran and Twinkies for sixty days. It does not remotely resemble leaving my husband, having another child, moving to a new state or taking up a hobby such as knitting, biking or painting miniature figurines for computer gamers. (Don't laugh - I know someone who does the last one and he's pretty darn happy.)
My big scheme is none other than finding myself a wife. Since I am not a lesbian, Rex will have to do. And since, at 6'3, he'd have a heck of a time finding stylish women's clothing that don't make him look like a drag queen crossed with a LaCrosse player, I'll have to settle for a metaphorical wife as opposed to a real one.
My plans include going to back to the studio where I will run my own show. I will fully participate in hiring the actors, directors and writers. Since I've seen first hand the frustrating isolation of nepotism, I will not succumb to the wily ways of the Hollywood elite. I will hire only those whose work, not relationship to me, stand on its own merit. I will go so far as to read only blind submissions and view headshots with the names blurred out.
Oh, who am I kidding?! When I get my big gig, all my friends are going to get rich! Lucky for me, they're all talented artists who are waiting for their big breaks. Some of them are actually already big wigs writing for hit shows. But no worries. They'll leave their fancy studio jobs to sign on to the next big thing.
As for Rex? He'll hold down the home front. He'll quit his monotonous tech job and pour all his energies into his passion for autos and cooking during the day. With his organization and tenderness, the children will not only be dropped off and picked up on time, but he'll hug away their fears and educate them on all things computer, math and science. As for art? Pfshawww! Since I'll be a sell-out to nepotism, they'll have a job in their future!
There's only two big problems with my fancy schmancy sell a pilot/turn Rex into my wife deal:
1. I have to pilot yet to speak of.
2. Rex has no desire to be a house husband.
Oh ye of little faith, this is not a problem. There will be so much sex involved (with Rex, not selling my pilot... I'm a sell-out, not a w----) that soon enough he'll succumb. The last four letters succumb? Works like a charm every time. Now if only that action could get my script written.
Stay tuned. Or, as they say in da biz, Fade Out.
Posted by Andrea Frazer
* For More Tips & Tricks You Can Count On: Subscribe to Good Housekeeping & Save!
* New Year's Day Brunch Ideas
* Do You Need a Makeover?
* De-Draft Your Home Today
* What's Your Hairstyle Personality?
Reprinted with Permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.