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    It's Complicated Advice Q&A: Should I Keep My Ex's Last Name?

    By | Love + Sex – Tue, Mar 1, 2011 6:43 PM EST


    Two and a half years after our divorce, my ex has met someone he is serious about. I kept my married last name to show my relation to our son - my ex and I have joint custody. The new girlfriend is uncomfortable that I didn't go back to my maiden name and has requested that I do so. Should I have to? - A.W., 28, Houston

    Related: How to Have a Better Relationship


    You don't have to change your name if you don't want to. Legally, it's your name. The new girlfriend doesn't like it? "Too bad/so sad," as my resident teen likes to say. The girlfriend, and possibly your ex, will grumble for a while, but they'll get over it.

    This situation does raise a good question, however: What is in a name? Having the same name as your son makes it easier for people to send you a Christmas card, but other than that, it's not truly what connects you to him, or to any family member. And while it's certainly natural to want to share your son's name, down the road it might become a moot issue: If and when you remarry, are you going to tell your new beloved that you want to hang on to your ex-husband's last name?


    Related: The Best Mom Moments

    Choose the name that makes you happy. If you're determined to connect to your boy with a name, maybe return to your maiden name and add it to your son's. (Michael Noah Jones becomes Michael Noah Wilson Jones). These days, many families go by a collection of names, and no one thinks they love one another less.


    Related: Easy Ways to Feel Closer to Your Partner

    Karen Karbo is an award-winning writer and author of The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World's Most Elegant Woman. She's also a mom, a writing teacher, and a horse owner. Check out more advice from Karen.

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