By Samantha Scholfield, BounceBack Dating Expert
This week is National Singles' Week, and when you're recovering from a relationship breakup, no matter if it happened two weeks or two years ago, it's really important to be single for a while and get to know this new you. Each time we have a relationship and open our hearts to someone else (freakish pinky toes and all), we grow as people and hopefully learn a bit more about ourselves. Each relationship is different, so while it's unlikely the lessons we took away from our last relationship will directly apply to the next one, a lifetime of loving, losing and moving on are all integral parts of life and our development as people.
So, when we're in the recovery phase (past the pity parties, but not quite ready to open up again), it's a wonderful opportunity to have an absolutely fabulous time and enjoy the hell out of life. Whether we're flying solo by way of the road of recovery from a break-up, or just haven't met someone special enough to merit coupledom yet, when we find ourselves in the glorious land of singledom, it is a time to be cherished, savored and enjoyed. Here are ten reasons why being unattached rocks.
1) More free time. New relationships are a major time-suck. Hobbies, laundry, working out and the gloriousness of having a whole afternoon ahead of you with no plans beyond lazing around with your dog at the park with a good book can often be overlooked.
2) You get to fall in love again! There is nothing like falling in love -- it's fun, exciting and makes you feel like you've got a sunbeam filled with rainbows, unicorns and butterflies following you around everyday. When you're single, each new person you meet is has potential to be the next person you fall in love with. How exciting is that?
3) Your time is yours. When you're part of a couple, it's considerate and pretty normal to check in with your significant other to see what they're doing and if they want to join you in what you're planning on doing. When you're single, you're free to do what you want, when you want and how you want, without any need to run your plans by anyone else.
4) You can be weird and no one knows about it. We all have little weird behaviors that make us happy that we mostly likely put a lid on when we're around other people. Feel like letting your mild OCD run rampant as you alphabetize your bookshelf? Love spending three hours trying on make-up and experimenting? Want to dance naked around your apartment listening to Lady Gaga? Want to watch 18 episodes in a row of Gossip Girl? Go for it.
5) If you're back to living by yourself, you can decorate according to your tastes alone - there's no need to cooperate, coordinate, consult or compromise with anyone else, which means that paisley print couch you've been keeping in storage for the last five years can make a grand appearance once again.
6) You can vacation wherever you want. Vacationing is one of those things that people have strong preferences on, especially when we only get two weeks off a year. When those preferences don't match up, things can get complicated. When you're single, there's no complication. This is a great time to be selfish and take the vacation you've always wanted. Costa Rica for a week with the college peeps coming right up!
7) You're free to flirt. Let those random conversations with hot strangers turn into a date and see where it goes. Relationships (usually) mean you've made a conscious choice to be with that person and that person alone. That cute someone you see every Saturday morning at yoga is now no longer off limits. Enjoy.
8) You can hang out with your friends more. Truth: being part of a couple means less time for friends. So make up for lost time and start making more awesome memories.
9) Your friends will invite you out more. Single friends are usually more available socially than coupled up ones, so bask in the glory of being everyone's first choice to come hang out and prepare for some amazingly random nights.
10) First dates! First dates have so much potential -- both to go badly and to go well. If they totally bomb and your date is a freak, you've got a great story to tell your friends (who are probably living vicariously through your raging social life), and if the date goes well? Bring on the happy, this-has-potential-butterflies.
There are aspects about both sides -- coupled up or not -- that have pluses and minuses. That said, instead of focusing on what we might not have at the moment or the negatives we may feel about no longer being one half of a couple, focus on all the good things about being single. Enjoy each day as fully as possible, spend a ton of time with great friends, laugh, and rock this period of time when we're completely unattached and free to do what we want. Bouncing back is all about finding happiness in our new lives, and being single, focusing on whatever whim strikes us and enjoying our friends is a major part of that healing process.
Samantha Scholfield is a writer, dating coach and author of Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl's Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys. Billed as a "considerably hipper author" than The Rules, she can usually be found writing about sex, love and relationships in the ubiquitous coffee shops of Seattle. www.screwcupidthebook.com.
BounceBack is helping people find happiness after heartbreak from a relationship breakup or divorce. It's a place to tell your story, get advice from experts, and share what you've learned with others in similar situations. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back to life and move forward. www.bounceback.com
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