Sensitive, soulful, emotionally wounded rock crooner John Mayer. His little black book reads like a tabloid best-dressed list yet he can't find that one woman to accept him for who he really is inside. He's misunderstood, he's a tortured artist and he just wants to be loved. Problem is, his mouth keeps getting in the way. And that's just one of the reasons John Meyer is a ridiculous man. Here are 14 more.
Because he attended the Grammy's dressed in a Willy Wonka costume.
Because he chunks the deuce in selfies.
Because he truly believes he's achieved the level of coolness where donning a banana hammock makes him appear "ironic."
Because he compares life to a box of Crayola crayons.
Because it's not OK that Taylor Swift reportedly wrote the song "Dear John" about their failed relationship, but it is totally OK to put his ex-girlfriends on blast in interviews. Got it.
Because the demands on his dressing room rider reveal his struggle to reconcile his persona as sophisticated artist ("One bottle of good quality French or Italian wine—minimum $30 per bottle") and overgrown, preppy suburban kid. ("Count Chocula").
Because he still has a MySpace page.
Because we had to bear witness to his 2011 meltdown during which he fled the evil temptations of Twitter in Los Angeles for the serenity of a log cabin in Montana. He also wore this hat.
Because there's a Facebook page devoted to that hat.
Because his musical collaboration with Demi Lovato and love for Miley Cyrus songs proves there's a tween girl inside of him just begging to be driven to the mall.
Because he made this comment about interracial dating.
Because his attempts to be quirky (remember that bear suit?) just make him seem like a less cool version of James Franco.
Because he's allegedly a fan of golden showers (Not that there's anything wrong with that).
Because he's the only man who can still come off like a jerk when admitting that he was a jerk.