Judge Lynn Toler's Guide to Divorcing Through The Holidays
The holidays can be a difficult time for families with divorced parents. There can be a lot of stress on everyone involved even with the best of co-parenting arrangements. But what if you aren't divorced yet? Divorce Court's Judge Lynn Toler gives us tips on how to survive the holidays while in the process of divorcing.
The holidays can be a difficult time for families with divorced parents as you determine when and where and on what days the kids will spend with mom and dad. There still can be a lot of stress on everyone involved even with the best of co-parenting arrangements. But what if you aren't divorced yet? Maybe just separated. Maybe even still living in the same house! How do you survive the stress of the holidays while in the process of divorcing?
Presiding judge on television's, Divorce Court (and a Hybrid Mom), Judge Lynn Toler, provides her expert tips on how to keep the holidays as happy as possible.
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Comply With Orders In Place
Chances are, if you are already in the process of divorcing and/or are separated, you have already put in place some legal orders on co-parenting. "Don't let emotional issues you have over the holidays prompt you not to comply with any court ordered visitation," says Toler. "The specter of failing to follow a court order will follow you into any final determination the court makes about custody."
Communicate
"Even if you have to do it through a third party due to the acrimony in the divorce, discuss potential issues before they arise." Get the arguments and the animosity out of the way before Santa comes down the chimney and definitely do it outside the presence of your children.
Get Your Mind Right
You are in control of your own actions and the right attitude…a positive attitude can make a big difference in how everything goes. Judge Toler urges you to "put this on your refrigerator if you have to: I love my kids more than I hate my ex. Let me do the right thing."
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Get The Right Support
"You have all kinds of people around you, including friends and family. Among them there are those who escalate and agitate and those that are calming and more objective. Better to lean on the latter as opposed to the former."
Remember that this festive time is supposed to be all about family and fun...not your impending divorce. While it very well may be the focus of your attention, it should not dominate and be the center of everyone elses. Keep Judge Toler's tips in mind, behave yourself (after all, Santa is watching), and the holidays will be happy.
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