I've been fairly open and honest about the divorce I'm going through, which has been no easy feat. I've been separated from my husband for more than two years now, which means that all my well-meaning friends are bending over backwards to find me a new man in my life.
Problem is, I don't want one.
At least, not yet.
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Just because I don't feel like dating yet doesn't mean that I've become a man-hater or am ready to live a life with 40 cats all named Mr. Sprinkles. Far from it. I'd love nothing more than to have a partner. I'm simply not ready for one.
After being with the same person for nine years, I've still got a ton of soul-searching and healing to do well before I can focus my attention on anyone else, which means I'd probably attract the wrong kind of guy if I even attempted dating.
Divorce isn't easy, not by a longshot, which means that I have a lot more recovering and discovering of myself to do before I can actually give myself to someone else.
I know the old saying about getting back on the horse and riding if the thing bucks you off, but it doesn't feel right for me. I have to overcome the losses of the dreams I'd had -- none of which involved the D Word -- and work my way through the grief. Bringing another person into this with me is simply not fair. Not to me, and especially not to him.
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It's safe to say that I wouldn't make a very good partner right now, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. And when I'm ready to wade back into the dating pool, I'm sure that I'll know it. But I'm not prepared to rush things just so I can alleviate the discomfort of learning to live on my own and rediscover who I am.
That, to me, is far more important than having someone I can only half-heartedly devote myself to. I've settled for less than I deserve for a very long time, and I'm not ready to do that again.
So, I thank you, my friends, for being concerned that I might wither away alone in my apartment, but know that when the time is right, I'll be more than ready to jump back into relationship territory, shiny, fresh, and new.
Until then, it's time to devote myself to, well, myself. Why? Because I deserve it. And so does my potential (future) partner.
Did you date after divorce? When did you know it was time?
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