Is Your Significant Other Lying to You?
By Patia Braithwaite for BounceBack.com
Okay, before you point fingers and burn the guilty party's pants: did you know that most people tell lies every day? It's true, according to an article in the UK's Daily Mail, the average man tells six lies a day (that's twice as many as most ladies). Most of these lies are harmless, meant to avoid conflict or discomfort (for ourselves and others), but what happens if little white lies turn into big hairy ones?
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If you suspect that lies are creeping into your relationship like unwanted weeds, here are a few things you can do:
1. Pick and Choose Your Battles:
If your honey has a habit of telling you she's fine when she's not, or your beau tells you that you're most beautiful when you are on your period, these lies may not be a huge cause for concern. Although dishonesty gives us valuable insight into one's character, remember not to be too self-righteous. We all lie at some point during the day, and the most common lie is, "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."
2. Ask Questions:
If you suspect that you are dating someone who lies often, don't be afraid to ask follow-up questions. Chances are these questions will ultimately lead you to a more complete (truthful) version of the story. AND if your sweetie isn't lying, communication is the best way to discuss these issues of trust and resolve them.
3. Really Listen to the Answers:
So often we believe only what we want to believe. When you are asking questions, be sure to listen and examine the answers. Truth has a funny way of slipping through the cracks if we listen.
4. Observe Him (or Her) With Others:
They say the best insight into a person's character is how he responds when he thinks no one is watching. Does your sweetie have a habit of lying to friends and family? Do excuses and half-truths fall effortlessly from her lips? If so, chances are that these behaviors that exist in your partner's other relationships exist between the two of you as well.
5. Trust Your Gut:
Above all, whether the lie is big or small, check in with your inner voice. If you feel that you are being misled, then honor your inner wisdom by believing yourself. If you feel compelled to start rummaging thru phones or hacking emails - chances are you already know that trust is a problem. Trust your gut and save the crazy investigative strategies for the folks on CSI.
Patia Braithwaite is a relationship writer and memoirist living in New York City. You can check out her blog at www.menmyselfandgod.com .
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