We all want to define what life is. I remember what the dictionary definition of life is: what takes place between birth and death. Makes things sound so simple, yet there is more to life than that. You could write a book on one day of living. I have found a comfort zone in my life. I can enjoy living without having to partake of mood altering substances. I don't worry about operating my motorized vehicle anymore. I can function fully in a intelligent conversation. I make more sound decisions. Yet sometimes I have to admit that there is something inside of me that gets restless. I start thinking what is it?? What is that I am feeling?? Then I realize, what is happening is I am becoming more defined in myself sober. Then I hit a spot in living that is a little unfamiliar. The only thing I have to relate to is a moment when I was under the influence. This is what I am talking about. I have known myself as the person using. This person that is sober and clean, well I have to get to know her more and more through living with her. She is a fun person. She still has a quick wit. She still comes up with interesting thoughts and ideas. In fact, I can say that she is more interesting because she remembers those thoughts and ideas the next day or week. I am finding this out about myself. I know more of what I like instead of what I thought I liked because someone suggested that I like it. I like to watch sunsets. I like to listen to music. I like to read. I like, no I love jogging in the morning. I love being dependable. I love being honest and not covering my behavior with lies. These thoughts and feeling I am relating in this piece is the result of going back and visiting the past. I don't dwell there, but I have to go back to remember what I didn't like in order to know what I do like. How I do want my life to be. Not like the past but like the here and now. I can't tell you what my future is going to be, I don't know it. I only know how I would like it to be. I heard this said once, our lives can change in the next breath we take. That is a very real and true statement. I can tell you with all my heart, that being clean and sober I can handle those instant changes. In fact, I know that I will handle them with maturity and do what I beleive in my heart is right. With this I will close; for those who follow my blog, I am keeping that foot in front of the other. I am moving forward. That is what we do in life. We move forward and leave that past where it belongs. This doesn't mean you can't turn around and look at where you came from. In doing that you see how far you have come down the road of life.
Peace out and in all that is right-good!
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