Joined by Elvis on the Way Home
It feels like there are a million articles about having "the talk" and most of them leave me with my voice stuck in my throat instead. I am wondering if maybe, there shouldn't be a talk. Maybe we shouldn't need to say, "Hey, do you actually want a relationship or are we fooling ourselves?" or "Where do you see this going?"
Part of me thinks if I am driving down a lone stretch of road, and there is nothing but gravel and leafless trees lining it with a bunch of unkempt creepy houses lined up in a row, and buzzards resting on tombstones, do I really need road signs to tell me where I am or if this is the place I should be? Will a flickering neon sign reading GHOST TOWN population 0 really tell me anything more than my very own eyes?
I think that is how it is with relationships too. If I am in a state of constant wondering where it is going, maybe "the talk" has already been spoken in the deepest silence. They say men are actions and women are words. Maybe women say so many words to come up with reasons for a man's actions or inaction to simply make us feel better about what is standing clearly before us.
None of us wants to be fooled yet we fool ourselves into thinking that if we just "talk" it will turn out okay. We'll get it all settled and then make some sort of plan to get to the next part of it. I think sometimes we women could avoid a lot of heartache if we truly looked at the relationship, non relationship, somewhat relationship-with our eyes wide open. I would hope we could actually see what the truth is if we shut up in our minds long enough to watch and observe. The mind chatter is a great distraction to what is truly happening.
I am guilty of this-this lying to myself simply because I want what I want. I think most women are. We are queens of making excuses and finding alternative scenarios rather than facing the truth. It's because the truth can be painful and ugly and sometimes we think we won't survive the truth. If we face it-we may have to give up the dreams we've been dreaming and let something go we may be holding onto very tightly. We have to give up the vision of the relationship we imagined and have the reality instead. Sometimes, we are lucky and it is better than anything we could have ever conceived. And sometimes it's not.
If I have to ask a man if he loves me, then he doesn't. He has made it loud and clear in one way or another. If I have to ask, "Do you want me in your future? Do you see me there?"-then I am not anywhere there and it has already been revealed. I just was not ready to look closely enough to see it at the time.
We wonder why "the talk" is such a hard thing to have. The reason is that it is difficult to ask questions to what we already know the answers and especially when we don't like the answer at all.
Of course there are exceptions-that's a given. Some people don't know what they want or where they are going or who they want to join them on their journey. I believe the majority must know exactly who they love and if they cannot necessarily picture their future, they know when they can't picture it empty of the person they love.
Words are powerful but only when actions are behind them. We can all talk the talk until we are blue in the face-it doesn't change what is not taking place. If nothing is really happening-then the reality is just that-it's nothing.
Monika M. Basile
Joined by Elvis on the Way Home