Love conquers all and other myths

i agree you shouldnt be bestfriends with your love,because sometimes they can be a little open about something or someone and that will only cause conflict and confusion

Where was "Love Conquers All"?

for me,being a friend of ur husband is essential not nescessarily to become his bestfriend coz there are times that we cant tell smeone smething,better keep it to ourselves.i still believe in love,communication,respect and loyalty runs/fuels our marriage life.we have to be positive in every way,not to cndemn or enumerate our shortcomings.no proffesional psychologist can help us but us who can make our life and how are we along the way till the end.thanks god bless

"Alisha:
i agree you shouldnt be bestfriends with your love,because sometimes they can be a little open about something or someone and that will only cause conflict and confusion"

Umm... Aren't best friends AND spouses supposed to be open about everything? Isn't it what trust is, that you can talk about anything and hear honest opinions? Or would you prefer your husband to say: O yea hun you look beautiful with new hair cut, after u got all of your hair chopped off?

If you have different kind of best friends that actually tell you what you want to hear, I feel sorry for you.

the old people that have been married 50+ years say the secret is to be friends with your mate according to cnn, that and I knotice a little compromise goes a long way from what I have seen in perents that my mother used to watch kids for in a daycare.

Confusing, conflicting article....I demand a re-write!

Hmmm this seems a bit shady. You can learn to love someone because love is a choice... it's not all about settling either... :/

and my husband is my best friend, but we do have other friends around.. :/

and since when can you not have a real conversation over the phone? That's how my husband and I got through during the time we were in a long-distance relationship.

Saying I love you doesn't always have to be the words themselves, they can be a back rub or doing the dishes or a compliment or flowers or learning to do something together... :/

Every relationship and its problems. For me I just need advice. there is this guy I've fallen so much in love with but he tells me he loves me but not as deep as I do. I've decided to be patience as he has told me but what if i wait in vain? Please advise.

Number 2 is a crock. You can play and be hard to get all you want, but you won't be gotten. If you don't have time to spend with me or I have to constantly try to fit into your schedule, you get a NEXT. I will not spend all of my spare time like that. Contrary to what these idiots tell you, not all men like to chase you and we're not going to. If you act uninterested and busy, I will be gone.

Greg Berhendt saying no right off the bat because something 'sounds like settling' goes to show you how educated he really is in relationships. This guys was a comedian and a talk show host and berates guys every chance he gets without considering the other side and I'm supposed to listen to him? Yea...
You CAN learn to love someone because when you meet and start dating, you don't automatically LOVE them do you? No, you get to know them and then fall in love with them. Love takes time to develop, moron!

This is freaking stupid.

Love does not conquer all; it certainly is a myth, as stated by the article. I want to quickly address each "saying" with my take on it.
1: Say I love you everyday. While not always being possible, it's bound to become stale and meaningless. Yes, you want to hear it, but not like a robot. A good time to say it might be when your companion/spouse is down or stressed, etc.
2: Play hard to get. Playing makes it seems like a game, not a dating tactic. Like what Greg Berhendt and many shine users pointed out, BEING hard to get is much more appealing a challenge for a would-be suitor. Someone who gets you has claimed a real prize, not just played the game.
3: Your spouse should be your best friend. I'd have to agree with this one. Doesn't mean your only friend. But who ya gonna show that pimple on your butt to, and have 'em put some antibiotic on it? Who ya gonna clean up a little puke for from too much fun at your house party?
4: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That old saw has been hanging around since the Civil War. It's what Mom's have historically told daughters when their man is away for extended periods of time, to keep her from going crazy. Is it true? Usually not.
5: You can learn to love someone. This one causes me to address a personal situation. I loved the guy I was with but was not "in love" with him. He promised me that I'd learn to love him, so we married. I did not learn to love him. Your dog can learn to retrieve a stick but your heart cannot learn to love what it does not.

3. Your Spouse Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend

Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you’re asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles.

ummm, excuse me, but what level of confidentiality and truthfulness SHOULD you have in a relationship? "oh, honey, i lied to you because you aren't my best friend - i don't want to ask TOO much of you like i do my friends ... otherwise i'm giving you too many roles!"

to me that dr is totally off. my husband is my best friend. not my ONLY friend, but certainly my best. and i couldn't be married to someone unless i could be totally honest with them and trust them with confidentiality.

Reading this made me even more confused about my marriage than I already am! LOL

My love is my best male friend...but I also have a best female friend from highschool. It makes sense to me to have a number one from both sexes.

My love is my best male friend...but I also have a best female friend from highschool. It makes sense to me to have a number one from both sexes.

Just a comment about no.4, my girlfriend and always seem to have to be somewhere or someplace without the other, but both of us are the kind of people who have to fill up an empty schedule. At this moment my girlfriend is in Scotland and two weeks ago I was in England, both times we have kept in touch as much as we can (Everyday when I was in England!) it definately made our relationships stronger, yes don't overdo it (No more than three weeks at a time!), but I think our separation has brought us closer, we value the time we have together much more and realise truly how much we do love each other, besides if you don't take the trouble to keep in touch when you can what's the point in being together.

Remeber this though, nothing beats spending time together, separation just emphasises our appreciation (or lack of, in our case the appreciation!) the little time we do spend together (We have spent just over two weeks together all summer).

I get the thing about your spouse being your best friend. My husband is my best friend, but I also have my best girlfriend with who I can talk about other things. My best friend Kim is also a newlywed like me and we talk about the changes our lives are going through, fears, concerns, etc. I talk about it with my husband too, but sometimes you need another woman to fully weigh in. In terms of who I value most, trust most, and love most: that's definately my husband.

i believe and support the saying Your Love is your best friend" other wise what else can he/she be if not that. this helps with openning up, free discuscion with your love and so forth.its even more fun.Just try it

it can be gd start,, i want to try it....

"Why can’t you have both? I don’t need an extreme head over heels but something that when you see that person you are like wow, and then when you talk to them, they can talk about anything and you just adore them and want to see them everyday."

I like this comment from above. This is what I want. And I thought I had. But my partner is so selfish. He makes me have to practially beg for attention / affection / love. He says I Love You...but NEVER really shows it. And never anymore when we are face to face looking into my eyes! We have 3 children together. And I sit back at times wondering how did I make it this far.

I am going to be 30 this next birthday. And am starting to realize that my wants are not abnormal. He is the one that is making our relationship into the "just room mates feel".

I have resorted now to reading articles such as these and all the 'reader comments' for some hint of advice.