aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
"Remember, you can't force anyone to love you," say the stars. Well, the stars can take their self-righteous condescension and go to heck. How can they not expect you to push back when the one you love pushes you to the edge? It's how you push that makes the difference: lather up with honey first, not vinegar.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
We know how badly you want to be in love. But be careful: overdosing on romantic comedies may muddy your brain into believing that s/he's the one. Avoid developing inappropriate attachments to casual dates and/or household pets this week. (The Three Best Romantic Movies. Do You Agree?)
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
You're going to feel sexeee all week. The more you talk about what you like, the more likely you are to receive it. Especially if you say it in your sexeee voice. Try these 16 sexy, sneaky acts of seduction to get him into the mood!
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
The bad news is that Monday's going to suck. But Tuesday will suck a little less. Ditto Wednesday. In fact, your week will steadily improve all the way through to Sunday, by which point we expect you to be having wake-up-the-neighbors sex with the man/woman/sex toy of your dreams. (A step-by-step to having the perfect one-night stand.)
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Opposites, shmopposites! You're onto someone who's just as intense and strong-willed (or obnoxious and opinionated, depending how you look at it) as you are. Put on your gloves (and your satin underwear) and put up your dukes, because you're about to go head-to-head in the ring of love. And in this ring, there are no losers, only people with mullets.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Adoring fans are all well and good while they keep their distance, but they're kind of annoying up close and personal. Beware of shagging any groupies--you never know which of your dirty secrets may show up on the web a week later. (That thing with the teddy bear? Yeah, you know what we're talking about.)
Find the rest of our love horoscopes here!
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