aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
You will think you have found love--or at least really good sex--this week, but it won't last, because they're lying to you. Hate to make you feel like you've been kicked in the nuts now, but it's better than feeling like your heart's been ripped out through your esophagus later, right?
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
We have one word of relationship advice for you: Google. It's not nosy--we all do it. And in your case, you might just be very glad you did. Just remember: don't believe everything you read...unless it's written by us. Video: Would you Google a sex partner?
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Easy come, easy go. Who knows what the heck is going on with your love life--the revolving door to your bedroom is spinning so fast, everything's a blur. You might want to consider changing your sheets.
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
You'll have a veritable poo-poo platter of romantic options this week, but none of them will taste quite right (and if we're reading our saucy stars correctly, you might be quite literally taste-testing them). We know it's nice to have someone to hold hands with, and we know you've been dying to try out that new strap-on, but that's no excuse to settle for less. Perhaps this isn't the week for you. In the meantime, why not use the strap-on as provocative coffee table art?
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
You'll be sensual, loving, and very easy to fall in love with this week. What happened, did you take a pill? This new-found allure will attract people who will want to kiss your ass, both figuratively and literally. So wash your ass. (With all this new attention you're going to want to know these 16 Sexy, Sneaky Acts of Seduction.)
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
You'll be like Gulliver this week: adventurous, alluring, tall. People will be drawn to you like Lilliputians. And like Lilliputians, they'll want to tie you down, with a thousand little ropes of commitment, restrictions, limitations, and rules. But you've got to be free, travel the seas of the world, fall into the cleavage of lady giants. Run away, Gully, run away!
Find the rest of our love-life horoscopes here!
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