aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Everyone likes to embellish a little, to make their stories or themselves a little more interesting. We all do it. Suddenly that drunk make-out sesh you had with some random in the bathroom of a dive bar becomes a spontaneous three-way in the hot tub of a top-floor penthouse. Or that one time you volunteered at an old-folks' Bingo tournament sounds more like a 12-month tour of duty with the Peace Corps. Most of the time, it's harmless--and it helps get you laid. But beware, someone's bound to call bull ----- on you eventually--and more likely than not it will be the one person you really care for and want to screw. Then where will you be? Alone in the shower with your tears and your lies and your hand, that's where. (But when it comes to sex, is it ever ok to lie?)
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
You know that person who's been on your mind lately, or since, like, forever? Well, it's not too late to approach them! The time for playing games is over (unless you're playing Cranium or strip poker--those are always good). 'Fess up and get down. (Here a few effective pickup lines that might help you make your approach.)
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Taking risks is only admirable when the results are positive. Wow, it's really brave to jump out of a plane so you can tell all your friends what it feels like to soar with the birds; it's utterly stupid when the chute doesn't open. It's wildly romantic to marry someone you met ten days ago in Vegas; it's idiotic when they turn out to be emotionally unstable psychos you have to divorce within six months. It's courageous to quit your high-paying day-job to pursue your dreams and become a professional karaoke artist touring the karaoke contest circuit...no, that's stupid whether it works out or not. The point is, just like battles, you've got to choose your risks carefully too. Especially this week. Otherwise, putting your heart on the line might result in it getting run over.
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
We know, we know, you just want to get busy first and ask questions later. But good things come to those who wait, and those who wait eventually come real good. Um, anyway, get to know your partner better: find out their favorite color, do the crossword together, call their therapist, tail them when they leave your apartment just to see where they go without you...
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
Just because you're in their bedroom wearing nothing but a dog leash doesn't mean you should go wherever they lead you. Wait a minute, what are you doing in their bedroom wearing nothing but a dog leash?! This week, the stars tell us that someone you least suspect may try to lead you in the wrong direction. So, you know, you might not want to be wearing a dog leash--it will only make things easier for them. (What's it like to be a professional dominatrix who puts dog leashes on clients for a living?)
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
Love is about compromise, as our moms like to say. So is sex, as we like to say. You can't always have it your way, although that would be nice, wouldn't it? And there's nothing wrong with trying to have it your way, as long as you don't get all fascist about it. Know when to back off, give in a little, meet your partner half-way.
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
You've been laying the foundations for weeks; it's finally time to lay some pipe. Go get 'em, tiger!
Find your the rest of our love horoscopes here!
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