By Kelly Bourdet, Refinery29
.A study out this week from Business Insider and Survey Monkey delves deep into the ever-changing connection between sex and love in America. And, while this is by no means an academic study, it does offer some interesting insights into our romantic lives.
How are we finding dates? No surprise, online dating is a growing means of meeting that special someone. How are we asking people out? Apparently, a text message dinner-and-drive-in invite is becoming increasingly prevalent. Nothing too crazy there, but the most interesting trends have to do with what we want (physically) out of our dating lives and when, exactly, we want it.
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The survey found that between 40% and 45% of men and women believe that it's appropriate to kiss a new partner on dates two through five (though many people answered that it's okay to kiss on the first date as well). The survey also asked, "How many dates do you need to wait before having sex?" And, interestingly, between 30% and 40% said the same dates two through five. (Far fewer people answered that the first date was appropriate for sex.)
And, while this doesn't mean that people view kissing and sex on equal footing, in terms of intimacy level - plenty of the people who kiss on the first date might fall into the two-to-five date category when it comes to sex - it might mean that we're moving from a little lip-locking to hitting the sheets faster these days. Well over half of all respondents have sex somewhere between the first and ninth date.
About 48% of men and women born in the '40s had (premarital) sex by age 20; among people born in the 90s, though, that number is just under 75%. So, our attitudes toward when sex is appropriate, at least age-wise, have definitely shifted over the past 50 years.
But, in the wise words of Cher Horowitz, when you have sex (or don't) is obviously "a personal choice every woman person has got to make for herself themselves." So, you tell us: How many dates do you normally wait to have sex?