Is Pacman better than sex after a while?
Advice from three of our guy friends.This week they answer the following: "Do guys tend to want to have s3x less often as a relationship progresses? Is that normal, or is that a sign that a relationship is on the outs?"
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): It's generally not a sign that the relationship is on the outs. It can be asymptom of a relationship that's otherwise on the outs. But I think it's at least as likely for s3x to be the only thing that still "works" in a relationship that's otherwise long gone. (See also: "s3x, ex.")
Yeah, I'm going to go a little further out on a limb and say that at least to the extent that men grow up conditioned to equate s3x with acceptance, a bit of "cooling" ardor might correspond with a warming of his heart and a growing sense of security with you.
Or not. He could just have found someone new! He could be quite committed but taking your relationship a bit for granted! Or, especially in longer-term relationships, his lib1do might not be keeping up with yours, such that he's still totally satisfied, while your libido's stayed constant or even started to climb a bit.
Do none of those answers seem interesting or reassuring? Good! Heres why: "Does he or doesn't he" kinds of tea-leaf reading always works better in the pages of Cosmo than in real life. Not sure how your relationship is going? Ask. (But clue: Cosmo fear-mongering notwithstanding, he may be very surprised that you're worried.)
Straight Newlywed Guy (Mark Luczak): The excitement of newness, and thus the frequency, of s3x often might just eventually fall victim to routine, shifts in the priority of other responsibilities, and even complacency - for both genders - as a relationship progresses into the longer term, so it's still a huge leap to presuming relationship turmoil. Something more along the lines of complete apathy or lack of desire can indicate deeper issues. But periodic thoughtful acknowledgment of how a couple's s3x life is evolving can allow them to alleviate any insecurities about commitment and desire, and that reassurance can put the focus back on the pure fun of gettin' it on, most hopefully still with completely fulfilling regularity.
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): I believe that a lot of passionate energy starts getting directed in domesticity, especially if you start living together. The fact is that relationships change and intensities are ever changing. I like to think that s3x will always be in the equation, but then again, I'm not wholly sold on monogamy either. On its own, having less s3x doesn't mean the relationship is about to expire, but you will want to address why you're having less s3x if you're feeling less fulfilled. It's always important to get your own!
RELATED ARTICLES FROM EM & LO: