Is Michelle Duggar's Marriage Advice Wise or Anti-Woman?
Different strokes for different folks. To each her own. Etcetera. Etcetera. Etcetera.
I've never seen 19 Kids and Counting, but as an eager student of pop culture, I'm well aware of MIchelle Duggar, the woman who lives in a shoe who has so many children and still knows what to do. From my perspective, it's kind of awesome and awful at the same time. But like I said (and I mean it respectfully) - to each her own.
I probably could have guessed the Duggars are religious folk, but having never seen the show, I wasn't aware of just how Godly they were until I read about some marriage advice Michelle Duggar had for other women. And the first things I said afterward was, "Sweet Jesus!" although probably not in the way Michelle would ever say it.
Related: 20 things you didn't know about the Duggars
In the premiere episode of the most recent season of the show, Michelle takes the stage at a conference and uses her faith "to lead other [Christian] women into the same happy marriage she has."
Among Michelle's talking points:
- A husband needs a wife who accepts him as a leader and believes in his God-given responsibilities. Husbands are commanded to govern their wives. God works through a man's decisions - good or bad. Bad decisions reveal his needs and allow the wife to appeal and demonstrate Godly character. The more a wife trusts her husband, the more careful he will be in giving her direction. Never ask others for counsel without your husband's approval. Reassure your husband that you understand and believe that he is your God-given leader.
- A husband needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty. How can you become more of the wife of your husband's dreams? Discover and conform to your husband's real wishes. Explain your hairstyle to others on the basis of your submission to your authority. Separate your "rights" from your responsibilities.
- Ask your husband to define your responsibilities. Ask your husband to tell you when you have a resistant spirit. Dispel a backbiting tongue by silence.
Related: 13 tips for snagging a man (circa 1938)
I've always felt that deep down, most women with kids are the same in that we love our kids unconditionally and want the best of them. But that doesn't mean most women - married or not, with kids or not - are essentially the same, as these bits of marriage advice have shown me quite clearly.
I adore and respect my husband, but he and I would both agree that he is not, nor should he be, my leader - God-given or otherwise. I conform to his real wishes just as much as he conforms to mine, but we like to call it compromise, and neither would ever ask the other to do it more than the other.
My husband would never "define my responsibilities," nor would he want or expect me to be silent if I had something to say, even if it was displeasing.
Related: 5 lessons learned from 18 years of marriage
To each religion her own, but, good God, never have I been happier in my own marriage or with my religion than when I read these statements.
I applaud and respect the Duggars, their faith, marriage and family - they've survived a few decades of togetherness, with 19 kids to boot, so clearly Michelle knows something many others don't. I suppose I shouldn't knock it until I've tried it, but then again, I'll never, ever try it her way (or, really, her husband's way).
What do you think of Michelle Duggar's marriage advice?
- By Meredith Carroll
For 7 things i wish I knew before I got married, visit Babble!
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